The Sun Is Way Too Hot

The Sun Is Way Too Hot

And I am full of rage
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I was going to write an article about political philosophy but honestly I'm way too distracted. What am I distracted by, you're hopefully asking? The sun. The sun is a ridiculous distraction right now and I wish it would just stop, and I mean right this instant. It's way too hot. It's absurd. It's not even funny.

Seriously though the sun has been shining for thousands of years and if you ask me it's time for it to be done. Anything above 70 degrees is uncalled for and it makes doing anything impossible. The light hurts my eyes and it burns my skin and it makes me feel dead on the inside and I don't like it. I am legitimately angry right now.


You know what this is, too? It's not even about making plants grow or keeping people alive. It's nothing noble or altruistic like that. Those are just excuses for the sun's pride. The dang thing always has to be showing off, like, "oh look at me, shining and stuff, I'm so big and hot and bright, wow golly gee I'm great" and it's obnoxious. I've had more than enough of it and I'm done. I am 100% done. I get that the sun thinks it's pretty cool, but it's nothing but a ball of hot gas and it needs to be a little more humble, in my personal opinion.

Even typing this article is making me all heated up. What is this? What am I supposed to do? Drink water, put on a fan? Has the sun even considered for just a gosh diddly darn moment how inconvenient that might be for me? I don't think it has. It just keeps going and going without a care for anyone else and I am here to propose a solution that will make it stop for good:

We need to nuke the sun.

I'm not kidding. We had a good run, but this crap has gone on for far too long. We need to nuke the sun and blow it up so that we can get some peace and cold weather. The polar bears will thank us for saving their icebergs and then we'll all live happily ever after, the end.

So any time anyone wants to get on that, that would be great. Until then I'll be eating ice cream and waiting for winter. I don't mean to be rude, I really love the sun actually, I just feel like sometimes it needs a little honest, tough love. I say the things I say because I care about the sun, y'know? When I say nuke, I mean that metaphorically.


You're a good buddy, sun. F'real. You give us life and all that jazz, which is p sweet. You just need to relax a bit for a little while, that's all. Take a vaca, chillax.

We cool fam. We cool.




Cover Image Credit: mreman on DeviantArt

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​An Open Letter To The People Who Don’t Tip Their Servers

This one's for you.
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views

Dear Person Who Has No Idea How Much The 0 In The “Tip:" Line Matters,

I want to by asking you a simple question: Why?

Is it because you can't afford it? Is it because you are blind to the fact that the tip you leave is how the waiter/waitress serving you is making their living? Is it because you're just lazy and you “don't feel like it"?

Is it because you think that, while taking care of not only your table but at least three to five others, they took too long bringing you that side of ranch dressing? Or is it just because you're unaware that as a server these people make $2.85 an hour plus TIPS?

The average waiter/waitress is only supposed to be paid $2.13 an hour plus tips according to the U.S. Department of Labor.

That then leaves the waiter/waitress with a paycheck with the numbers **$0.00** and the words “Not a real paycheck." stamped on it. Therefore these men and women completely rely on the tips they make during the week to pay their bills.

So, with that being said, I have a few words for those of you who are ignorant enough to leave without leaving a few dollars in the “tip:" line.

Imagine if you go to work, the night starts off slow, then almost like a bomb went off the entire workplace is chaotic and you can't seem to find a minute to stop and breathe, let alone think about what to do next.

Imagine that you are helping a total of six different groups of people at one time, with each group containing two to 10 people.

Imagine that you are working your ass off to make sure that these customers have the best experience possible. Then you cash them out, you hand them a pen and a receipt, say “Thank you so much! It was a pleasure serving you, have a great day!"

Imagine you walk away to attempt to start one of the 17 other things you need to complete, watch as the group you just thanked leaves, and maybe even wave goodbye.

Imagine you are cleaning up the mess that they have so kindly left behind, you look down at the receipt and realize there's a sad face on the tip line of a $24.83 bill.

Imagine how devastated you feel knowing that you helped these people as much as you could just to have them throw water on the fire you need to complete the night.

Now, realize that whenever you decide not to tip your waitress, this is nine out of 10 times what they go through. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people to realize that this is someone's profession — whether they are a college student, a single mother working their second job of the day, a new dad who needs to pay off the loan he needed to take out to get a safer car for his child, your friend, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, you.

If you cannot afford to tip, do not come out to eat. If you cannot afford the three alcoholic drinks you gulped down, plus your food and a tip do not come out to eat.

If you cannot afford the $10 wings that become half-off on Tuesdays plus that water you asked for, do not come out to eat.

If you cannot see that the person in front of you is working their best to accommodate you, while trying to do the same for the other five tables around you, do not come out to eat. If you cannot realize that the man or woman in front of you is a real person, with their own personal lives and problems and that maybe these problems have led them to be the reason they are standing in front of you, then do not come out to eat.

As a server myself, it kills me to see the people around me being deprived of the money that they were supposed to earn. It kills me to see the three dollars you left on a $40 bill. It kills me that you cannot stand to put yourself in our shoes — as if you're better than us. I wonder if you realize that you single-handedly ruined part of our nights.

I wonder if maybe one day you will be in our shoes, and I hope to God no one treats you how you have treated us. But if they do, then maybe you'll realize how we felt when you left no tip after we gave you our time.

Cover Image Credit: Hailea Shallock

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Warm Weather Is Finally Here And That Means Seasonal Depression Can Go Fly A Kite

Like seriously, get out of here.

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Any form of depression flippin' sucks. Like something major. Mental health is wicked important and sometimes crazy hard to maintain. The cold weather of winter does absolutely nothing to help either and ends up making it a lot harder to stay motivated, want to get out of bed and to ever go outside to be productive and active. Vitamin D is so detrimental to the health of our bodies. The sunshine lets us soak that up, but it's almost impossible to do when it's sub-zero for four months straight (ok, a bit of an exaggeration, but not really).

Seasonal depression brings out the worst moods during the long winter months and drags us down. What we can do is to busy ourselves and push ourselves to be the happiest we can be with enjoyable activities. Make sure you do fun things that will help you avoid being stir crazy. It's a vital time of self-care and making sure you are physically and emotionally healthy.

Once the icy force field of the winter breaks, spring flourishes and so do we. The heavyweight that was hanging on our shoulders is lifted off. We instantly feel lighter. It's an amazing feeling and so relieving. Getting through the winter in one piece feels so successful.

So, have fun now. Enjoy the fresh air and let the sunshine kiss your skin. Embrace your happy and positive thoughts. Cherish not having to wear a jacket and the fact that you need air conditioning in your car instead of heat. Roll the windows down and blast the music. Make your days include some form of outside activities and exercise. Celebrate every single aspect of the spring and summer because when winter rolls around again, you will want memories to keep you going so that when you have to do it all over again, it will go smoothly.

So, goodbye seasonal depression, we won't miss you.

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