It's finally summer. The birds are chirping, the harsh winds have eased to a gentle breeze, the sun is out and shining brighter than ever — and here I am, sitting in my room with the covers closed and the laptop screen is the only source of light.
I didn't expect this either, but according to my friends, it's called crashing after finals.
To be perfectly honest, I hate this feeling more than ever. It's hard and funny to believe that in school, I would wish for a brief moment of relief and silence from all the madness. Tests and homework would constantly scramble on top of each other, each fighting for my priority. Now that summer's here, the lack of things to do has made me lackadaisical and jaded from all the online entertainment I guiltily indulged myself in.
It's not the best feeling — in fact, it's one of the worst feelings ever. Having no purpose seems nice and friendly in theory, but it's tormenting and soul-sucking in reality. More than anything, I just want a sense of purpose and something to do, but it's becoming hard to think of things to do on my own. Things become boring and less exciting when I'm always doing them on my own.
My relationship with work is a strange paradox. I feel it every year but despite having the sensation of wanting work or not wanting work multiple times throughout my life, it seems like I can't fully grasp onto both concepts at once. It always comes in moments where I solely want work or when I solely don't want it. To put it briefly, I want work when I don't have it and I need a break from it when I begin to have some of it.