If I See One More Succulent, I Will Burn Down The Earth

If I See One More Succulent, I Will Burn Down The Earth

Get them away, away I tell you!
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Dear future roommate:

I'm so excited to start this next chapter of my life with you! College is an exciting time, and an apartment is the next big step towards living on our own. I'm sure that as long as we respect each other's boundaries, we'll both be fine. I'd like to offer one of my own right now, if you don't mind. You will allow me to go through your belongings, check them thoroughly, and execute any and all small succulents among them.

We will not keep these succulents. We will not water, feed, or humor them. We will not put them in terrariums. We will not artfully arrange them and take pictures of them for our Instagrams. We will only smother them in gasoline, set them ablaze, and send them tumbling down the fire escape like fucking Denethor, and even that is more than they deserve.

This precept extends to any and all succulent-related items. I do not want to see succulent art, succulent posters, succulent journals, succulent laptop stickers, succulent bookmarks, or a single succulent-themed actual succulent.

I do not care that succulents are renter-friendly, low-maintenance, and resilient. I do not care that all your friends have them. I do not care about the hashtag #suclife. I do not care that they go with practically any other decoration. I do not care about your carefully manicured Pinterest board. If succulents are your aesthetic, your aesthetic is unholy in the eyes of nature. I will dismember each and every one of your small, water-retaining bastards and personally send them back to hell.

Where they belong.

We will not make a succulent cake. We will not make succulent cookies. We will not have succulents on our windowsill or on our counter. We will walk through the "home decoration" aisle at Target with our hands over our eyes so that we will not see them.

Succulents grow native in arid regions with high heat. Good. They know their place. Let them stay in their world; do not invite them into ours. There is an order to things.

If I see one in our house, it will burn until it knows the meaning of God's vengeance. Others will fall, not us.

Cover Image Credit: Shopify

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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12 Items To Buy From Five Below That Will Inexpensively Modernize Your Dorm Room

You would be amazed at what you can get at this store!

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When you're redecorating your bedroom, you might not think to stop by Five Below, considering everything is $5 and under. But you would be amazed at what you can find in that store.

I went not to long ago to get those cube storage boxes, that go into the shelf, and I left with almost $200 worth of stuff. Now mind you, I've been to this store a million and one times and never have spent this much, but while I was there I figured I would get Easter basket things for my niece and then the idea to redecorate dorm rooms popped into my head as I was looking around. Because let’s be real we all could use a more modern dorm....even if you school just bought new furniture. So here’s 12 things you need to buy from Five Below to modernize your dorm.

1. Wall shelves

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Use command strips to hang these up because you can’t drill into the walls at school!!

2. 3 clip photo frame

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Okay so one isn't out of its package yet, but this is what Five Below's website showed for it.

3. A white fuzzy rug

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4. Cordless hexagon cage lamp

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5. Cute storage basket

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6. Light up sign box

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7. Letter board

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8. An initial light

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So this I've had for years but I'm 100% positive it came from Five Below.

9. 3 piece frame set

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10. Salt rock lamp

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Mines pretty big, but they have smaller ones.

11. An ottoman

Fivebelow.com

12. A mini cactus

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Or any plant really. They have basil, roses, daisy, strawberries, etc.

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