Since I can remember I've always been a worry-wart. I've worried about the most simplistic things and often they threaten to get the best of me. When I was a child, I was prescribed anxiety medication because I had difficulty forcing the negative thoughts from my mind, causing anxiety attacks—one even in the middle of a softball game, calling a timeout to calm me down. Embarrassing, I know. I often hear people spat, "Why don't you just stop worrying then? That would get rid of your anxiety." And that, my friends, is ignorance. God knows I'd love to stop worrying, but it isn't quite that easy. It's embedded in my life. Controlling my anxiety is a challenge and changing my mentality is a slow process, but deep down, anxiety will always be there no matter how hard I try to get rid of it. I've always made the excuse, "This is who I am, I can't change it." And although I can't completely get rid of anxiety, it isn't who I am.
With that said, you can still live with anxiety and be successful and productive.
On another note, although I don't have diagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and don't like to talk about it as if I have the issue, I showed early signs of OCD as a kid, always labeling things such as a toothbrush. I know how ridiculous this sounds, and it was. My parents had to nip it in the bud and make sure I didn't continue to do these things. I was also prone to hoarding and kept every piece of paper, toy, and anything else that came into contact with me. This, too, my parents made me stop doing as a child.
Since I used to hoard, my habits have flipped. I don't keep much anymore, and I'm actually uptight about being cleanly. If my house isn't, it causes me stress and anxiety. It is especially elevated if I come home from work or class and find myself surrounded by mess.
I've never really talked much about these issues I've faced with anyone, let alone the world. But I think it's important to explain that the things you struggle(d) with don't define you. They AREN'T you. After years on anxiety medication and using an inhaler, I decided to manage anxiety on my own. I guess that was my pride setting in, deciding I can do this on my own.
Today, I go to school at the University of Oregon, taking rigorous courses, often overloading myself with work. I'm a hard worker, but sometimes this also causes anxiety because I feel like I can take on the world all at once, constantly adding more and more responsibility to my plate. However, I've learned to manage my anxiety. I've realized that I can't let it take power or precedence over what I want to achieve. I suppose that's why I challenge myself by taking rigorous courses, 17+ credits, and somehow manage to get on the dean's list.
Don't let anyone, or better yet, yourself, decide that mental illness—and I say this loosely—will keep you from chasing your dreams. You can be a productive, hard-working individual and still struggle with anxiety. I've done it. I'm doing it. So, get out there and do it. Dealing with anxiety is different for everyone, and there isn't one single right way to do it. For me, it's best to enjoy myself. It sounds easy, but it's hard for me to let loose, go out for frozen yogurt, bowling, watch a movie, anything. So, taking a break from responsibility is key for me, even as hard as it is to let myself do so.
To those struggling with anxiety, depression, OCD, or anything else for that matter, you're worth it, you're important, and you can do it. I promise. Don't hold back and chase your dreams.
