This spring I went on the trip of a lifetime. I flew over 10,000 miles, 20 hours, and a whole 16 hour time difference to Sydney, Australia. I knew zilch about the country besides the fact they housed some of the most interesting animals in the world: including but not limited to kangaroos and koalas.

I planned on staying in Sydney for about five months. From mid-February until July. I was really excited about really living on my own and finally having this new embrace of independence. I was living by myself in a dorm room, away from the three friends who flew out with me. Although I still found comfort in their familiarity, quite a few doors and hallways separated us from seeing each other as often as when we were roommates.

When I first arrived I was in awe. The cars drove on the left side of the road, it was hot and humid, quite the change from the three feet of snow at home. There were palm trees and mysterious looking birds looming over the buildings (I later found out they were quite annoying).

The first week my friends and I visited every beach we could, every town we could, every bar we could. I tried a mojito for the first time (it was fantastic), saw indigenous dances, swam among blue bottle jellyfish, and got more sun poisoning than I ever anticipated. I went to cute cafes, walked along the beach at night, and explored modern art museums. I saw views that were like no other.

The second week, orientation had started. That's when the culture shock settled in. Everyone was so enthusiastic and active. The accents were from all over the place even though I expected a consistent Australian one. My introvert-self shied away from all the ambitious activities. I had no interest in Bar Crawls and late night parties with strangers.

I know the point of going abroad is to meet incredible people, but I was in the mindset I didn't care.

By the third week, I was unable to go to sleep missing home and missing the familiarity of American culture. I found negativity in just about everything. I hated the portions, all the weird food I couldn't understand the names of. I hated how warm it was, I hated when it rained, when it was sunny. I hated sitting in my room by myself, too scared and anxious to actually go anywhere but too lonely to stay.

Classes were a good distraction. I found comfort in poetry and my human sexuality course. I loved the students, they were all really nice. Grades were interesting and the sizes of the lecture halls were definitely more my speed (aka I could hide in the back).

Eventually, they weren't a good enough distraction. I stopped going to class, stopped going to the dining halls, stopped seeing my friends. It wasn't culture shock anymore. There were no more ups and downs, it was just a downward spiral.

Studying abroad had become a nightmare. The only thing that I held onto was that I'd be going on spring break soon to New Zealand. The mountains, clear lakes, and glaciers were constantly in the back of my mind.

But then, I cracked.

Due to some serious mental health problems I was dealing with I had to end my study abroad experience. Although I am sad I didn't finish it out, I've come to realize something. It isn't my fault. Studying abroad isn't for everyone.

I was honestly pretty nervous about taking such a big leap before I had flown all the way out there. As much as I love traveling and discovering new places, this was not the right time in my life.

For anyone who possibly could think I gave up or that I let homesickness envelop me -- you're wrong. I tried and stayed in Sydney far longer than I had ever wanted to. I was in the city for nearly a month and a half when I booked my flight home.

Studying abroad is about exploration, finding new characteristics, growing up. I did all of that within that time span, I just wasn't ready to do it for another four months.

Now that I am in the comfort of my home I can work on my mental health and get better.

I'm so thankful for the experience I had abroad and for my friends and family that supported me all the way. Not a lot of people in their lifetime can say they had that opportunity, I am a lucky one.

And for anyone out there who may about to go abroad or is abroad and just feels like they can't do it anymore, it's okay. You're not alone. Do what's best for you no matter the consequences, as long as you're healthy and happy.

I hope to travel more in the future especially to Europe and maybe Asia, but for now, I'm definitely enjoying the comfort of Bolton, Massachusetts.