In her 2013 hit Pretty Hurts, Beyoncé says “My aspiration in life would be to be happy.” She then proceeds to sing about how “perfection is a disease” and how people are too obsessed with how they look. As a 15-year-old girl, I try to think like this, that looks don’t matter and that it’s what’s on the inside that counts; however, it doesn’t always end up that way. I often end up standing in front of the full-length mirror in my bedroom in a sports bra and running shorts staring at my body, analyzing ever dough-roll line and every part of me that I deem “ugly.” On good days, I stop there. I don’t continue to criticize my personality and the way I act towards people like I do on the bad days. It’s hard because of all the pressures that the thought of a social life puts on us. I don’t get invited to parties and I don’t have a date to homecoming, and I most likely won’t be getting asked. It’s disappointing how much time I spend reassuring myself that these things don’t matter compared to the non-existent effects of my reassurance.

Sometimes, I look to the future. I think about where I want to be in 5 years, even ten. “In ten years, I won’t be insecure,” I tell myself. But who am I kidding, I will never feel as beautiful as Christina Aguilera, who says “I am beautiful, no matter what they say; words can’t bring me down,” or as confident as Meghan Trainor who says “If I were you, I’d wanna be me too.” My parents tell me they’re proud of me, and I let that be enough. I’m in all honors classes with the exception of science and AP world history, and above my grade level in math (algebra two) and my lowest grade is an 86. I plan on joining the Spanish club, academic challenge, and Key Club and I hold a board position in my youth group. I guess that’s enough, society makes it hard to be. In most movies, the popular girl who everyone loves is always the same: tall and pretty. While I may not be conventionally pretty, I do think I’m pretty in my own way; whatever that way might be. I wish more people focused on personality and inner-ability, rather than looks and what’s on the outside. Unfortunately, the concepts of being happy and being pretty are tightly bonded, but they are not the same thing. People assume that the pretty person is always happy; but, this is not always the case. You never know what’s under the surface.

When feeling insecure, I often say that I just want to be happy; but that’s not what I want. Nine times out of ten I am happy, I’m just not wearing the cutest outfit or maybe I’m not having a good hair day; but I am happy. Beauty and happiness are not the same thing. That’s something I’ve noticed a lot this week, in myself and others. It’s a common problem in this day and age, people don’t realize how beautiful they are, and it’s something that needs to be changed.