When you are struggling, that could mean a lot of things. You could be struggling to pass a class in school. You could be struggling to find the right words to say to someone you love. You could even be struggling to find what you need in the grocery store.
We all struggle at some point. To be honest, I feel like we pretty much struggle every day. Again, it could mean something so small, but then it could mean something huge, almost like it could mean the whole world to someone.
Asking for help is never frowned upon. It is encouraged because we all can't get along by ourselves. But there are people who struggle, but they never want to show it. They don't want to let anyone know that they are in some kind of trouble, whether it's personal or not.
I am one of those people.
We are all human. I am human, so naturally, I struggle with a lot of things. But there is something about me that is different. I tend to not tell anyone that I am feeling some sort of way. I aim at hiding my feelings so that nobody worries about me, but I worry so much about everything else.
I have been a worry wart since birth.
I could be worrying about something or feeling some sort of way, and nobody would even know. I play it well so that everyone else is okay before I am okay. I care about others before myself, but sometimes, that can just be my problem.
I struggle in this way: I am terrible at expressing my feelings without worrying so much about the reactions I'd get if I told someone. Does that make sense? I bottle everything up so that no one gets angry with me. I bottle things up when I'm not sure what will happen. I struggle.
When you are struggling but you don't want anyone to know, you are boss. You are one of the strongest kinds of people. I admit that it takes a lot of energy to hold everything in. My head wants to explode when my brain is going a mile a minute, thinking about every little detail. Sometimes, it hurts.
Over the years, I've learned to be more expressive. I've learned to let my struggles go and go with the flow of everything. But there are times when I feel like I'm just waiting for the explosion. I'm waiting for the shit storm that is already bound to happen.
So, I'm actually not one of those people who struggles to find what they need at the grocery store, but I'm one of those people who struggles with feelings, getting everything out, taking care of others before myself.
If you're like me, remember that you are strong and that it's not entirely bad that you worry. Your strength is what matters.