The Struggles Of Having Acting As A Dream But Not Quite Making It

The Struggles Of Having Acting As A Dream But Not Quite Making It

I've come close to landing leads, but close doesn't matter when it comes to acting.


There is nothing as exhilarating as the opening night of a show in theater. The energy is electric, the momentary familial bond of a cast during show week is irreplaceable, and acting is the greatest escape I've ever known. In high school, I lived and breathed theater. I would have multiple anxiety attacks during audition weeks, I would work so hard to figure out and become my characters, and I experienced multiple emotional roller coasters when cast lists would be posted. I became a thespian through and through and found a passion for telling someone's stories through acting. I gave acting everything. Sadly, acting is a dream that gives back only once in a blue moon.

My junior year of high school, I auditioned for and joined the advanced production class at my school. I was blown away that I made it in and was just happy to be there. I just loved theater, but I didn't think I had a talent for it necessarily. That year, I got two supporting roles I never expected to get, and I loved every moment of learning to push myself to be bigger than who I am. I found my potential on stage. I thought I found a place I belonged. Spring semester my junior year, I decided I wanted to pursue the lead in our spring play. It wasn't just because I wanted a lead, but reading the script, I fell in love with that character. Her name was Rose, and her parents had an ending relationship and she was ready to give up her own love to discover and pursue her dreams in life. I put everything I had into my audition and callback for Rose. I got compliments from my director and classmates on my performance that made me believe in my self. I wound up getting a role as an extra for that show. I put that much into it and I couldn't even get a named character.

That's acting though. When you do get the role you want, there truly is no better feeling, but when you don't, there isn't a worse blow to your self-esteem than that. I spent high school watching the same handful of people grab the leads up and my senior year, I found out that I'm seen as more of a character actor than someone who can play a lead/love interest. I had a lot of fun with theater my senior year despite having reconciled that apparent fact. I played a fat, old, gassy pirate who was pining over a younger nanny in "Peter and the Starcatcher" and I played an old woman who sang off-key songs when she reminisced on a better life in "1984". Neither of these were roles I had auditioned for, but they're roles I took and made my own, and that really helped me push myself to find out more of what I can do on a stage.

I've since found out that in one of those shows, I was the second choice for the lead. I was also the second choice for Rose in the show we did my junior year. I just auditioned for a show at a local community theater; I went for one of the leads in that too, I wasn't cast. I was also the second choice for that lead. It's becoming the story of my life: close but not quite. Don't get me wrong, close is flattering, but it doesn't really get you anywhere either.

My advanced production class during my senior year consisted of a majority of seniors. We grew up in high school doing theater together, and those last few months of high school, everyone was talking about their futures with theater and acting. Several of my friends were going to school for theater and I wasn't. I thought about making theater my minor, but that would have served no purpose with my psychology major. I, like many of my classmates, many of which who had thrived in theater and had leads frequently, decided to give that part of life up for something more substantial.

Deep down, I still maintain my dream of acting. I would love to go into film and work on incredible movies and so fully become other people to tell so many different stories. I would love even more to be on a long-running tv show where I could grow as my character does over the years being part of the show. All through high school, I was told by many different cast mates, directors, and even random audience members that I have an ability to tell a story with my body through my characters. Acting is storytelling for me, and I want the opportunity to do it on a grand scale some day.

I'm not sure when, but the film is something I want to give a fair, serious shot. Life has been busier than I anticipated with college and I haven't been able to explore opportunities with acting like I had planned. If acting doesn't work out, I have just as much passion for psychology as I do for acting, so I wouldn't be settling in life. I need to know I tried to make it though, and film is even more unforgiving than theater, but if I got on a cast list for a movie or tv show, there would be no better feeling.

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The Perfect Body Piercing For Your Unique Personality, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Let the stars decide your next piercing.


Piercings are so much fun and a great way to stick jewels or metal nearly anywhere on your body. They're perfect for when you're looking for a fun way to spend your check, you're going through a mental breakdown, or just if you're trying to spice up your look. Whatever the occasion, it can always be hard to decide which piercing you want next.

Next time, let your zodiac sign do the work for you.

Taurus: Nose Piercing


Taurus, you're reliable and patient and this piercing suits that vibe best. Go for the nose piercing and rock it.

Libra: Septum


Libra, your balanced nature matches this piercing well. No need to pick a side with this one, just go for it and love it.

Scorpio: Nipples

Scorpio, you're passionate, exciting and this (semi-)secretive piercing matches your vibes. Get one, get two, rock it!

Gemini: Navel


Virgo: Double Lobe

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Virgo, you're practical to a fault. Get a little wild with a different take on a classic look and double up on lobe piercings.

Leo: Cartilage

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Leo, your generous and faithful nature makes the classic cartilage piercing the metal for you.

Capricorn: Tragus


Capricorn, your disciplined nature makes the discreet tragus piercing the one for you. You're careful about your choices, but I promise this one is a good one.

Pisces: Industrial

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Pisces, you're sensitive and easily led astray. This piercing can be a reminder to keep the bar high for yourself (about as high on your body as you can get it).

Sagittarius: Rook

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Sagittarius, your optimism and curiosity make this the perfect piercing for you.

Aquarius: Forward Helix

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Aquarius, you're independent and don't fall into line with the crowd. Get a forward helix piercing or two or three and make that individuality pop.

Cancer: Conch

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Cancer, you're loyal and protective over those you care about and this matches that energy. Get a piercing that circles and protects your whole ear.

Aries: All of Them

Aries, you're adventurous and you can do so many cool things with a million different piercings. Don't be limited to just one and go for them all!

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Anxiety Medications Aren't As Scary As You Might Think

It took me about 2 months to even find the right medication and dosage. It's truly a process.


Before my journey with anxiety, I was very anti-medication. I truly didn't understand the purpose or need for it. Boy, have I learned a lot since then. Upon visiting the doctor, I learned that there are two types of medication that do two different things to the neurotransmitters in your brain. These are categorized as SSRI or SNRI. According to, "SSRIs increase serotonin in the brain. Neural systems affected by increased serotonin regulate mood, sleep, appetite, and digestion."

The medication that I am currently taking falls under the category of SSRI. As a result of taking this medication, "your brain is more capable of making changes that will lead to a decrease in anxiety" ( I don't know if that sounds nice to you, but I loved the sound of it.

On the other hand, per, SNRIs "ease depression by impacting chemical messengers (neurotransmitters) used to communicate between brain cells. Like most antidepressants, SNRIs work by ultimately effecting changes in brain chemistry and communication in brain nerve cell circuitry known to regulate mood, to help relieve depression."

From my understanding, the different types of medication focus on different neurotransmitters in your brain. I don't think that one of these is "bad" and one of these is "good." This is simply because anxiety and depression are very personal and impact people differently. My anxiety is not the same as my friend's anxiety. I think it's more of a spectrum.

There are a lot of misconceptions upon starting medication. I think the first is that it works instantly. I have some bad news and it's that some medications take up to a month to get into your system. I mean, you're chemically altering your brain, so it makes sense. It took me about 2 months to even find the right medication and dosage. It's truly a process.

Another misconception is that the pills are addicting- making them completely unnecessary or dangerous. That wasn't true for me. One of my dear friends told me that if you don't feel guilty for taking cold medicine when you have a cold, then you shouldn't feel guilty for taking medication that helps your anxiety. I think this really does boil down to knowing yourself and if there's a history of addiction in your family. However, as someone who's taken the heavy pain killers (via surgery) and now takes anxiety medication, I can testify to say that there's a difference.

The pain killers made me a zombie. The anxiety medication allows me to be the best version of myself. I like who I am when I'm not constantly worried about EVERYTHING. I used to not leave the house without makeup on because I constantly worried what people thought of me. I used to be terrified that my friends didn't want me around. I used to overthink every single decision that I made. Now, none of that is happening. I enjoy my friends and their company, I hardly wear makeup, and I'm getting better at making decisions.

Do I want to be able to thrive without having to correct my neurotransmitters? Sure. However, this is the way that I am, and I wouldn't have gotten better without both therapy and medication. I'm forever grateful for both.

Editor's note: The views expressed in this article are not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

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