The Struggles of a Pale Girl
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The Struggles of a Pale Girl

In the Victorian Era, we’d be regarded as nobility.

The Struggles of a Pale Girl

We all know one: the friend who puts a new layer of sunscreen on by the hour and keeps three bottles of fake-tanning lotion in her bathroom drawer. We pale girls have been the butt of jokes amongst our friend groups, and have gotten “bless your heart” a countless number of times. On the tough days we just remind ourselves that if we were living in the Victorian Era, we’d be regarded as nobility, and then proceed to put our sunscreen on with pride.

1. Certain colors just don't need to happen in the wardrobe.

Getting dressed should be one of the simplest tasks of the day, but we pale girls have to coordinate our skin tone and undertones with everything we put on. Colors like red, light pink, yellow, orange, white or black are an automatic “no,” unless you can figure a way to make it work for you. Nude? Forget nude unless you want people to think you are. Certain colors just make us look pasty and ghostly, and we have no choice but to accept it and embrace the blues.

2. Halloween

I remember when I was little, all my friends would be raving about their Halloween costumes, and if I dared utter that I didn’t know what to be, all of my friends would scream, “Be a ghost! Be a vampire!” ACTUALLY I WAS THINKING I’D BE A POP DIVA OR A LADYBUG, BUT THANKS FOR THE INPUT

3. The lightest shade of makeup is never light enough.

Shopping for makeup is the struggle. Stores never seem to carry a light enough shade of makeup that will actually cover your blemishes and make you look somewhat human. People always say, “You’re complexion is so great; you don’t even need makeup!” Those people have clearly never had to fight the fight against veins peeking through their skin and purple bags settling under their eyes for the fun of it.

4. We can't "just go to the tanning bed.”

Tanning beds are already so awful for people in general, but coming from the crowd of women who can’t sit in the sun for more than 30 minutes without looking like a tomato, laying in a tanning bed is like asking for cancer. We’ve all probably tried it once, and we’ve all decided our best bet is to just fakebake our way through lotion bottles and spray tans.

5. Even if you can dance, you can't.

If you’re the palest one there, you obviously have the moves of a middle-aged dad dancing behind the grill on Labor Day. Even if you’ve danced all your life, one false move will send you down an endless path of mockery. Most of us have embraced it by now and can be seen coining moves of our own in the corner of the dance floor.

6. “No I am not sick. I'm always this pale.”

“Are you feeling okay? You don’t look too good.” Actually, I’m feeling great! Your concern is touching, but not as profound as the reminder that I need to reapply. Thanks, though!!!

7. Your friends fight to lay next to you at the pool.

If you pale girls ever want to feel like the celebrity of the group, just go to the pool or beach, and watch your friends fight to lay next to you so they look more tan. It’s honestly flattering once you get over the fact that you reflect more light than you absorb.

8. "Wow, I can see all your veins.”

Yeah, my favorite one is this one; I just really like the shade of blue.

9. Sunscreen is perfume in summer.

They really need to invent sunscreen that doesn’t smell so… sunscreeny. It’d be nice to go on a walk with your boyfriend and smell like Vanilla Bean Queen or Very Berry Extraordinary instead of radiating the smell of a middle-school soccer team on Saturday afternoon. Also, you pale girls might as well keep it in your purse, because I can guarantee your friends aren’t going to have any for you to borrow when you get to where you’re going on those brutal sunny days.

10. Bruises reach a whole new shade of purple.

Ask any pale girl and I can guarantee you none of us have ever had a perfectly smoothed out skin tone on our legs. Bruises come from a playful bop on the knee or an unfortunate encounter with a bedside table. Friends just laugh at you when you say you bruise easily, but the proof is in the pudding; the vanilla, vanilla pudding.

Despite the mockery and the physical struggles of everyday life, being the pale girl isn't all that bad. We might not be able to get glowing bronze skin, but we sure can flaunt our paleness with pride, one bottle of sunblock at a time!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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