The word "skinny" never felt like a compliment. I would constantly hear, "You're so skinny, don't even complain," or, "Must be nice to be that thin." People seemed to completely disregard my feelings about my body. It's like I didn't deserve to have an opinion or a right to complain because I'm so-called "skinny."
Growing up being very petite, it was hard shopping for clothes. Although every store carried XS sizes, it felt very limited. Most clothing stores seemed to cater to smalls and mediums. Whenever I found a cute top, I would furiously rumble through the clothing rack to try and find my size. But alas, it wasn't there. When it came to shopping for jeans, it was worse. On top of being a size zero, I am also 5'2". So even if the jeans did fit at the top, they would end up being too long. Nothing seemed to fit.
It was especially hard shopping for dresses for formal dances. I remember my sophomore year of high school when I was trying to find a dress for our upcoming ring dance. My mom and I went to many stores — Windsor, Lord & Taylor, Macy's — just to find that they didn't have anything I liked in my size. It was overwhelming.
My mom would tell me how I needed to eat more, to try to gain weight. But it felt like no matter how much I ate, I would just end up losing it. I would come home after a long day of looking for a dress, to cry and become upset at how my body was.
I used to hate being short and petite, but I've come to accept it. I like my body just the way it is.
If you claim to be "body-positive," it should be open to people with ALL different types of bodies. I always see online people saying that sometimes these models don't even have "real bodies." So explain to me, what is a REAL body? People come in so many different shapes and sizes; it really doesn't make sense to put someone down because they weigh more than you or less than you. You do you.
Yes, I am a size zero and am very petite but that doesn't mean I starve myself. I eat just the right amount, if not more. I always have someone saying to me "you're so lucky," but with all the repercussions of being a size zero, it doesn't feel like I am.
I'm tired of feeling guilty for being my size and also tired of seeing the sometimes limited options of my size in stores.
No matter how your body looks or how much you weigh, it doesn't matter. All you can do is focus on yourself and try your best to be body positive. Who knows, your body positivity can spread to help people of ALL sizes think the way you do.
