I’m an ambivert. What does that mean exactly? Well, according to Science of People, an ambivert is “someone who exhibits qualities of both introversion and extroversion.” Basically, it’s someone who doesn’t see themselves as either an extrovert or an introvert, but rather floats somewhere in between. Before I knew what this word meant, or that it even existed I never felt like I fit into either of the two strict categories. When I would take the usual Buzzfeed quizzes, I never got the same answers.

When I was younger, I found myself feeling one way in certain situations, and another way in others. For example, whenever I go out with my friends, I always find myself having a blast when I’m there, but I hit a point in the night when I’m ready to go and the energy of being around so many people becomes too much. I usually spend the next day by myself, doing things I love like reading a book or catching up on all the episodes I missed that week of my favorite TV shows. I’m the same way after a long day of work, where I spend the majority of time talking to kids and co-workers. As soon as I get home, all I want to do is spend a couple of hours to myself.

In a large group of people, when bigger personalities surround me, I find that I talk a lot less, and I spend a majority of time letting the person I’m with guide the conversation. I’m perfectly content with taking a step back. This happens a lot when I’m meeting new people with friends who are extroverts, or when I join a new team or group.

The weird thing is, I’m also incredibly uncomfortable with silence. When I’m with a group of people and no one is saying anything, I do my best to keep a conversation going because silence is awkward for me, and I have to fill the air with something. I hate small talk, and when I’m having one-on-one time with someone who I don’t know and who’s introverted, it’s incredibly hard for me to find the right words to say. This being said, anyone who knows me knows I talk a lot and I can talk about almost anything once you get me going.

I take leadership roles whenever they come available to me, I can hold conversations with adults sometimes longer than I can with my peers, and I’ve been an actor since my freshman year of high school. I also rather write my feelings than speak them, and I fear asserting myself or establishing any sort of confrontation. I make plans with friends when I’m feeling bored, but I also stay in when I feel like something’s too much for me.

I didn’t really identify myself as an ambivert until I did some research on it after finally getting a quiz that included that result. When I told my friends, one of them (her name is Caitlin, but we call her Spicy), goes, “Oh my gosh you’re the perfect embodiment of an ambivert,” and that’s when I knew why I felt the way I did in certain situations.

Now that I know what an ambivert is and what it means, I am able to navigate situations that make me uncomfortable, a lot easier than I use to. I used to think my silence in large groups made other people stand out over me, and that I was losing opportunities to make new connections, or if I told my friends I’m staying in tonight that they’d think I’m “lame” or “boring.” I also used to think that if I spoke too much, people would find me annoying, or compensating for something I’m missing. What I learned is that the people that matter like you for you, and that’s important. If someone sees me as being one or the other of something I’m not, it’s not because I’m imperfect or flawed; they’re just not seeing the whole me, and they’re not worth it, especially if they don’t get to know me better.

I’ve learned that being an ambivert also has its perks like being able to think before you speak, and knowing the balance between being a listener and a talker. So if you know what it’s like to not identify with either an introvert or extrovert, but haven’t figured out why, try exploring what being an ambivert means. If you’re like me, how you see yourself and the world completely changes, and it doesn’t hurt to learn more about where you fall on the spectrum for how you network in the future. If anything, it’s an excuse to take another quiz.