Okay, so unfortunately, I have never actually met a celebrity. Perhaps the closest I've come was the time I waited outside the stage door at Les Misérables on Broadway and got to have a six-second conversation and picture with my idol, Ramin Karimloo (if you haven't heard the sound of this man's voice, I recommend you youtube him immediately.) But this past week at Smith has just left me starstruck. On Monday, I traveled to Mount Holyoke to witness Jhumpa Lahiri talk about her new book, In Other Words, and her life as a writer. On Wednesday, I experienced Viola Davis, star of the amazing drama series "How to Get Away with Murder," inspire the entirety of JMG Hall at Smith. Just being in these two inspiring people's presences made me imagine what I would say if I ever had the privilege of actually meeting them. This got me to thinking about my fangirl tendencies and my hopes that I might not be alone in my obsessive behaviors. Here's how I mapped out this arduous process of meeting a star.
1. Attempting to carefully plan out word for word the conversation you might have.
I can't be the only one who has done this. This is necessary because you have to embody the perfect balance of dedicated fan and rational human being. For instance, you might choose to ask about an upcoming project of theirs, which shows that you know a decent amount about their work, instead of asking how their houseplant named Robin is doing...
2. Being irrationally nervous about sharing the same space as them.
Before you even get to the event where you will ACTUALLY GET TO SEE THEM IN THE FLESH you psych yourself up and stress yourself out. What if I say the wrong thing? (Why it's helpful to create a script.) What if they think I'm weird? What if I get to touch their arm as I take a picture with them?!? These thoughts will surely drive you into hysteria.
3. Finding the strength to keep the first thing you say from sounding creepy and obsessive.
Even if you meticulously plan out an ideal conversation in your head, chances are your brain will turn to goo the moment your celebrity idol looks at you. All words lose meaning. Your mind goes utterly blank. You would be happy to spend the rest of your life gazing into their beautiful eyes. Yet sadly, this may send the wrong message so you must force yourself into reality and keep it together.
4. When you can't let them see how much you already know about their lives.
If we're being honest, you have probably already extensively researched your celebrity idol and are well aware of their birthday, hometown, family members' names, hobbies, and complete life's work. But you feign casual interest when you meet them, and act politely surprised if they tell you something you have already known for years.
5) Not being able to come back to reality for hours after the ordeal.
Your delusional dream of meeting your idol has come true. Now it's time to carry on with your life. IMPOSSIBLE.
