I have always looked different than other girls. I have always felt different than everyone, and I am. It's hard sometimes. Ever since I was little, I have compared myself to different girls, wishing I looked skinny and pretty just like them. I would see girls that didn't even have to try hard at all to look amazing and could go out and buy whatever clothes they want. I felt that I was stuck feeling like I was ugly for the rest of my life because I was bigger than them.

All of my friends are beautiful and don't even have to try. They feel comfortable with how they look and don't look as if they have a worry in the world on how they look. When we would hang out, they would say things like, "I look hideous" or "Ew, what is going on with the way I look today?" I would look at them and think, man I wish I could look as pretty as them, and not have to worry about looking big and different. I can't wear some cute clothes because I am bigger than them. I go shopping with them and go into the stores I used to be able to go into, and get sad because they can go buy that cute crop top, and I can't. I wish so badly sometimes that I could look skinny and be the person I feel like I am inside.

It is a daily struggle. Even on the good days, I always end up finding something that I don't like about myself. Just as an example, I was happy with the way I looked at prom. Then, I put on my dress and saw my friends. I felt like I was the ugliest person ever, on a night where you are supposed to feel amazing. Everyone always asks why I wear sweatpants or yoga pants; it's because I'm not comfortable wearing anything else. I always feel like I look different or not pretty at all when I try to dress up. It is also hard being around pretty people and feeling like an outcast. You feel like you are the ugliest thing ever compared to them.

Also, it is always hard when you want to go out and do things with your friends. One day, my friends wanted to go kayaking on a river, and the first thing I thought about was if I would even be able to fit in the kayak or if I could even do it. I didn't even think about the fun of kayaking.

Everyone says, if you aren't happy with yourself, why don't you change? Well it's hard, especially having health issues. It's hard to change. I will one day look the way I want or feel inside, but first I have learned in order to change, you must love yourself. I love my personality; I love myself. I may not like the way I look most of the time, but it's me. I may look different and have struggles in life, but I am alive and happy with who I am. There will always be struggles but everyone has struggles. You may feel worthless or feel like I feel about yourself, but trust me, while you may be wishing you were someone else, they are wishing that they could be you. You may be wishing that you could look a certain way, while they wish they could walk into a room like you, and light it up with personality.

So, my advice is to go out and do what makes you happy because your differences are what makes you who you are. God didn't make us all the same for a reason. If we were all the same, life would be boring. We are each made uniquely amazing in our own way. I promise that you may feel ugly, fat, or not beautiful at all, but someone will look at you and see so much more than what you see in the mirror. They will see more than you see in yourself. So, live life to the fullest and do not dwell on looking different than others, because trust me different is better.