There are many struggles that are exclusive to the genderless. In a time where gender issues are such a heated topic, it's a unique position to reject gender altogether. Here are a few things I've experienced as an agender person.
1. "Are you a boy or a girl?"
This is something I hear nearly every day. The answer to this question is simple: neither. Though, this is a concept many fail to fully comprehend. Personally, I feel no direct ties to any gender identity, male, female, or otherwise. It makes me uncomfortable to be referred to as the gender I was assigned at birth. This is why I identify as "agender," which means "without gender." So when people seriously ask me whether I'm a boy or a girl, this is what I explain.
Though, I can't help but get a kick out of it every time a young child turns to their parent and goes "Is that a boy or a girl?" as I take pride in my androgyny.
2. "But... you can't not have a gender?"
Actually, you can! When people say this to me I assume they are confusing gender with biological sex. Sex is one's anatomy, the "parts" they are comprised of. Gender, however, has more to do with cultural and social aspects. What makes a "man" a "man" in one culture may be entirely different in another culture. The same goes for other genders. What makes identifying as agenda different from other genders is that we don't identify with any gender at all and would rather be seen and referred to without gender.
3. "So... are you, like, asexual?"
No, not at all. Gender and sexuality are very different things. Gender is a state of being dictated by social and cultural differences. Sexuality is defined by one's sexual orientation or preference. So who I am attracted to sexually is not affected in any way by my own gender identity.
4. "How are you 'agender' when you dress like a boy/girl?"
First of all, there is no such thing as "dressing like a boy/girl." A boy can paint his nails and wear a skirt and he is still a boy. A girl can cut her hair short and wear a suit and she is still a girl. How I dress does not affect my gender identity. Sometimes I dress very masculine, other times more feminine. I will stress this again: none of that affects my gender identity.
In a quickly changing society, I understand that it may be difficult to fully comprehend the newer terms we now use to identify our own perspectives on gender. What I ask is that if you do not understand, ask questions and listen well. Be respectful of people of all genders. Just because it's not what you're used to doesn't mean it's a bad thing.
