Ah, love -- what makes the world go round. Usually, when it comes to love, people are designated into two categories: hopeless romantics and cynics. But what happens if you fit into both groups? Urban Dictionary describes a cynical romantic as, “Someone who thinks love is a really nice thing and a great ideal, but believes that it is something that will realistically never happen for them.”
Anyone who really knows me can see how I would fall into that category. What some people view as sweet, I view as clingy. Nicholas Sparks stories make me roll my eyes. I’m independent with high (some would say too high) standards. When asked for advice in the romance department, I’m usually blunt and to the point. This doesn’t mean I encourage my friends to break up with their boyfriends every time they ask for advice, I just call BS when I see it.
After having my heart broken and seeing too many friends’ hearts broken, I became fed up with the idea of love. For a while, it was easier to hate on love than to embrace it. Platonically single, I got tired of answering the “Do you have a boyfriend?” question at every family gathering only to have my answer quickly followed by the pity-filled, “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone one day.” And soon, this tiredness turned to anger. Even though I wasn’t worried, it seemed like everybody else was. Why did it matter that I was single? Would my self-worth really diminish because I don't have a boyfriend? I decided the answer was no, and set out to prove it. I focused on becoming more independent, and soon I embraced being alone. I didn’t need a guy and didn’t particularly want one either. And, thus, the cynical side of my personality was born.
Even with this side though, I still find myself rooting for romance. While I hate "The Notebook," I love "Titanic." I love hearing engagement stories and going to weddings. When I do develop a crush on someone, I fall hard. I constantly daydream about finding Prince Charming. The hopeless romantic side of me thinks that it’s just not my time yet, and is optimistic about finding someone. I remind myself that I’m only twenty years old, and that despite my grandmother’s fears of me becoming an old maid, I have plenty of time.
While deep down I do want a relationship, my cynical side tells me it is probably not in cards, at least not anytime soon. It would be great, and I’m open to it, but I’m not banking on it. Despite this, I’ve learned to appreciate being a cynical romantic. My cynical side keeps me from settling for anything less than I truly want and has taught me that sometimes it’s okay to be alone. My romantic side keeps me optimistic and reminds me to remain open to the idea of love. It’s a balance, and even if I don’t get that happy ending, I know I’ll be okay on my own.
