You're walking through the cafeteria when, suddenly, you trip over an invisible obstacle and land face first into food that you're sure is still alive. Embarrassing things eventually happen to everyone...unless you're a major klutz. If you are cursed with never being balanced then you understand how small slip ups seem like the end of the world. When someone asks how your day went you don't say good; you begin to tell them all these tiny things that make it seem like the worst day ever, but the worst day ever is actually everyday because you're not a Weeble Wobble that will never fall down. If this is you than here are some things you can relate to.
1. An endless injury list
Two sprained ankles, one dislocated toe, two wrists that crack every time you move, five paper cuts, one hundred mysterious bruises, six stubbed toes, ten bumps on your head and counting. And this is all from this week.
2. Fear of everything
When you have so many traumatic events a day you slowly start to have PTSD with even the little things. If you fall down the steps a lot, then you will always be terrified of even a single step. You will slowly start to have anxiety over everything and have the worst case scenarios always running through your head. When you face the trauma-inducing situation again, the event will be all you're thinking about!
3. The nicknames
Crutches, Legatron, Cripple, Limps, Klutz, Bionic Leg, Wobbles, Muggle, Thumbsy, The Mess, etc. You have so many nicknames from different people that when Facebook asks for your nickname you have no idea which one to put. Oh, and these nicknames will stick with you...for the rest of your life.
4. Memes
You are so sick of seeing the millions of memes of Life-alert and JLaw because they all get sent to you, and if someone catches you falling on camera, prepare yourself for the flood of notifications.
5. You're cautious, but you still get hurt
"We need to get you a bubble suit" is a phrase you hear often, but your reply will always be "that will not do anything." Your reply is the conclusion of an experiment that you have tried to be overly careful but you still get hurt...badly.
6. Being over-dramatic
Because you have been so accustomed to being really hurt and screaming out in immense pain, when you barely hit your finger you scream. Not just any scream-- a scream where people actually dial 911.
7. You're literally a snail
You think being slower will save you any more pain and embarrassment this week. You're so slow that by time you walk down a flight of stairs, Taylor Swift ran out of spaces to write your name.
8. The constant jokes
You could just be sitting in silence and your friend will come up with the 100th joke of the day from when you spilled water all over yourself.
9. You will never live anything down
Remember that one time you fell off the bed as a baby? No? But your parents do and that moment will never leave you. That event that you would really like to forget because you stay up all night crying, you will never be able to forget because everyone will bring it up. If you had a penny every time you heard "Remember that one time...," you would be able to pay off America's debt and still be more rich than Bill Gates.
10. Staying in your comfort zone
You regret everything you didn't do because you will NOT leave your comfort zone. The embarrassment is just too much of a risk. Everyone is having fun but your mind is just filled with the thoughts of what COULD happen. Wanna eat fried chicken with your friends? Forget about it because your mind will go straight to salmonella and choking on a bone.
11. Laughing it off
You trip but everyone is laughing so you laugh too so that no one can see that your world just ended. Sometimes you laugh and have no idea why. Sometimes you have no idea whether you are laughing or crying because you're probably doing both. Laughing the pain away usually ends up making you feel more embarrassed. Oh, you will remember that embarrassment out of the blue and literally cry yourself to sleep.
