Stronger In My Broken Places
Start writing a post
Relationships

Stronger In My Broken Places

Finding the Strength to Free Myself

67
Stronger In My Broken Places
Art42

"The ball's in your court." We began the phone call as a couple and ended the phone call, along with our relationship, with those words. In that moment, I felt relief. It was as if he had given his consent. I had permission to be free. It would grow to be a phrase that would haunt me in coming years. As an individual who has always found difficulty in commitments and decision making, he said the words that could hurt the most. There would be times when I occasionally found myself preoccupied with other tasks and the phase would leach into my brain like a poison. I shrugged it off. I cried. I regretted the choice I had made for the both of us. Then I would sob. In my moments of weakness I would reach out to him and he would furtively remind me of my scars, my shortcomings, my many weaknesses, all of the reasons that I was unworthy of being loved. Like putting pressure on a fractured piece of mirrored glass, pressing your finger snugly over the ruptured smoothness and pressing down until the glass crumbles beneath the stress, he attempted to further break the broken pieces of my heart.

Such is the freshness of a morning sunrise, I found myself in a new relationship. I held enough baggage to be featured on an episode of "Hoarders." I was scared. I was ready to run at the first sign of failure, but bit by bit this new love taught me to let go. He taught me what I needed and made me feel safe. He taught me that I didn't need to be worthy of love because he would love me anyway, unconditionally. For the first time in my life, I was wanted just as I was with no expectations other than to love him in return. This is true freedom. All at once my checkered past, my insufficiencies, and my insecurities were no longer a prison holding me back from what I could be capable of doing. It was then that I realized that even if this relationship also failed, I'd be okay just loving myself.

They say time heals all wounds, but in my case no amount of time could have healed me the way unconditional love has healed me. If anything, time would have only made the wounds fester and grow systemic. This new man, he wasn't my first love, but he will forever be my last love. My favorite human.

If you are feeling lonely and broken, be brave. Because sometimes when a person presses a finger over a broken piece of glass in an attempt to destroy it, the glass shifts unexpectedly, unpredictably, and bites back. Sometimes the glass realizes the power it had all along to save itself. Eventually the glass recognizes that it is the brokenness that has strengthened it by giving it an edge to arm itself. The glass may forever have cracks from breaking, but, once the sun shines in, it is the fractured places that create beautiful rainbows of color radiating outward into the world.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

45840
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

29019
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

953449
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

160278
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments