Each day when I get home from work, my typical plan is to sit down, take off my shoes and curl up in a nest of blankets until I have to wake up and do it all over again. It leaves me feeling groggy and unaccomplished, but I feel like I have no time to do anything else. I can hardly remember how I managed to work and take classes while in college, because I’m usually too tired to even do laundry, much less write a research paper. But as of fairly recently, there has been a shift in my routine.
Apparently there’s this thing called a “passion project,” and not to brag or anything but I may have found one. Without going into too much superfluous detail, I will say that I’m writing and directing a musical, which sounds pretty glamorous and important but really just emphasizes the extent of the task. It involves a great deal of work outside of my regular full-time job, and I’m OK with that for a few reasons.
I’ve been feeling pretty stagnant in my life, which I think is something we all feel from time to time. As frustrating as some responsiblities (i.e. work, bills, general adulting) can be, I know that I can’t do what I’m passionate about unless I take care of those first. I’m grateful for any chance to not do the same thing I do every day, and if that means filling every empty space in my schedule with a task, then so be it. Even when I don’t have something very important to do, I will try to spend time with friends or at least just get out of the house. As much as I love sleep, I am the kind of person who feels like I must always be doing something or I become anxious that I’m not doing enough. In a weird way, I have to have some stress to avoid feeling stressed out.
Also, it turns out that when you’re busy all the time, there’s no room in your schedule to dwell on unimportant things. Earlier I received an email stating that I am not being considered for a job that I put a lot of effort into applying to, and you’ll never guess what I did. I just thought, “I really don’t have time to be upset about this,” and I wasn’t. It doesn’t hurt to let yourself feel disappointment and I’m certainly prone to crying out of stress, but it genuinely didn’t seem like a priority.
I’m so excited to have a goal in my life that pushes me to do more, but I’m not sure what I’ll do when it’s over. Regardless of the next thing I choose to do, I know that it needs to be something a little more complex and time-intensive than going to the movies alone or sleeping or walking around Target for two hours—my regular free time activities.
I’ve decided that I would rather be a little tired as the result of doing things I really enjoy then have nothing rewarding to fill the time not spent taking care of regular adult responsibilities. And while keeping busy can have its cons and be stressful at times, I greatly prefer it to an empty calendar.
