Self-criticism can easily be our downfall, whether it be with our academic achievements, personal relationships, or just with how we perceive ourselves. University has quickly put pressure on me in every aspect, and I struggle to find a balance every day. A balance on keeping up good grades, managing healthy relationships between my friends and family, and ensuring I'm also prioritising myself. I have good days, and then I have stormy days. Stormy in the sense that there are days where I stress about my studies and meeting deadlines, days where friendships get complicated, and I struggle to deal with the petty dramas, days where I am just exhausted. But those days build character. And of course, I don't enjoy them in the moment, but at the end of the day, it's a good feeling knowing that I overcame yet another obstacle.
A social perfectionist. The desire to be viewed as perfect in other people's eyes, for them not to see your flaws or struggles. This is something I, and I'm sure many people, struggle with at University. I so want everyone to think I'm on top of my game, that I'm perfectly balancing my academic and social life. But frankly, that isn't the case. Academically, I get exhausted. I want to be the perfect student, but I sometimes find myself procrastinating, and it's all due to the fear of failure. But I need to regulate my negative emotions and realise there is not much I can change about what needs to get done. Studies will always be stressful, and I won't always get a perfect score. But I need to stop stressing and start doing. '"When we give ourselves permission to fail, we, at the same time, give ourselves permission to excel." - Eloise Ristad. Failure is not something to fear; it is better to give 100% to something and fail than not to have tried at all. Those are things I live by at University for, after all, I'm here to learn, not to be perfect.
Contrary to what I believed before starting my degree, people DO continue to gossip, people do take note of every little mistake you make, and it's exhausting. It made me realise that being an adult does not equate to being mature. I have always been quite sensitive regarding those I consider close friends or part of my "social group" (not that I enjoy the whole idea of cliques). But as I've continued to grow, I've realised that not everything people say should get to me the way it does. And in a way, taking everything personally feels quite egotistical; I assume that certain actions people take revolve around me. But by attempting to see things from the other perspective, I create an opportunity to understand rather than get annoyed. Don't get me wrong, that's easier said than done, and I still haven't mastered the whole "it's a reflection on them, not me" thing, but it's a good place to start. However, when this isn't the case, and it IS personal, I tend to break down even when I know I should speak up. For someone who hates to show weakness, this is the hardest part of any relationship. Showing vulnerability is showing strength, and that's what a lot of people fail to realise. By not speaking up, I build up a lot of hurt and anger, leading to me lashing out. This isn't the path I wish to go down, but making those mistakes is what is it to be human. All friendships are going to have their ups and downs, especially at University, but the best lesson I've learnt is to look at a situation and ask myself, "Is this as bad as I think it is, or are they just trying to trigger a reaction out of me?". Speak up, set the record straight and keep your head held high.
I can never truly be socially perfect, and that's okay. I will struggle and have my down days, but I will continue to persevere, and that's the beauty of the storm. Your stormy days don't define you, for remember the sun will always shine again.
