I was so naïve my freshman year. I had just moved from Australia to the U.S. and knew next to nothing about American college culture. As I look back, I realize most of what I learned that year wasn’t taught in my classes. In a school with such a large student body, I learned more about people than anything else. I learned book smarts in my classes, but street smarts at frat parties. Which, I argue, is equally as important, especially for young women.
When I get the chance to mentor someone in my sorority through her freshman year these are the lessons I hope to instill.
1. Those girls in the college videos shaking their booty for the camera and taking pulls from the bottle aren’t cool.
What’s cool is being smart about the way you’re portrayed on the Internet. Care about your future success and the way you’ll look to employers. You’ll find the top-house sororities do, and that contributes to their success.
2. Don’t waste your time with the “bad boy.”
When you get feelings for a guy that’s bad news, you’re going to deny every sign that he is. You’re going to justify the way he treats you by referring to the rare times he’s shown he has a heart. The reality is, if you were the girl who was going to change him you’d know. There would be no uncertainty. Don’t fall for the line straight from the fu**boy handbook: “Treat them like dirt, and they stick like mud.” Have enough self-respect to find a guy who’s worth your time.
3. This isn’t elementary school; if a guy actually likes you enough, he won’t treat you badly.
There is one way to determine if a guy is worth it. Ask yourself, does he go out of his way for you? If he’s worth it, he won’t play those games he plays with every other girl, because you’re not every other girl to him. He’d be genuinely afraid to lose you. And if he doesn’t see your value, find someone who does. Or better yet, be chill with being single.
4. Don’t be one of those girls looking for a husband at college.
Contrary to popular belief, a husband is not something you can shop for. Focus on growing as a person, and someone will walk into your life at the right time. Wanting a relationship and pushing too hard for one is unattractive. What’s attractive is being 100 percent comfortable with being single.
5. Never believe that being single is somehow inferior to being in a relationship.
Being single in no way means you’re undesirable. It may mean you have enough respect for yourself to hold out until you meet someone worth your while.
6. Hanging out and watching Netflix doesn’t just mean hanging out and watching Netflix.
I was the naïve freshman that thought this (LOL). If a guy asks you to hang out, assume there’s a 90 percent chance he wants to sleep with you. Be skeptical but always give him the benefit of the doubt; maybe that’s not all he wants. If you don’t want to sleep with him, don’t set yourself up for it, meaning decline the hanging out and watching Netflix invitation.
5. If you want men to think of you for more than just sex, then you have to give them more to think about.
Chances are, that frat guy that approaches you at a party has had dozens of conversations just like this before. If you can steer clear of the shallow small talk he’s had countless times before and be interesting, maybe, just maybe, he’ll be intrigued with you, not just your lady parts.
6. If you’re going to drink, don’t be obnoxious.
Know your limit. Master alcohol — don’t let it master you. Find the perfect balance between fun and keeping it classy.
