It was a bright, chilly day in early spring. It was a Friday — and everyone on Luther's campus expressed their happiness that the school week had finally come to a close. I sat in my room, studying. I was deep in thought, absent of emotion. My studying was broken up by a text message to meet for dinner in the union at 5:15. I finished up reading an article about the EPA, put on a light jacket, and made my way outside. Then, my life changed.
I was almost to the Union when my heart began beating way too fast. This was followed by heavy breathing. The world became a blur. The people around me disappeared. All I saw was the sky —a dull blue with no clouds in sight— and a lone flower blooming. My chest tightened, and I immediately felt sad. Just a few minutes before I had been content with life, but sadness and anger took over in that single instant. I stopped by the flower to catch my breath, and the flower seemed to glare at me as if I was intruding on its happiness. I continued to the Union and ate with my friends in silence as my chest suffocated me.
I have always had a little bit of depression. I have had unstable emotions ever since I was a small child. But I had always been able to move past my anger and sadness with little difficulty. It wasn't until that bright, chilly day in early spring that I became truly depressed. Ever since that day, I have suffered from constant anxiety and sadness. My chest still tightens sometimes, and I also get bad headaches when my anxiety and depression are really bad. Since that day, I have had to take a semester off from school, go to intensive therapy, and learn how to be happy again. Yet through this whole experience, I have learned one of the most important lessons of my life.
That spring day was the start of a hard journey. But even on that day, the sky was blue and the flowers were blooming. The world was bright even though my mind was dark. Even in my darkest times, beauty still existed. I still remember that flower. I still remember the way it swayed in the wind and stared at me. I still remember the sky beginning to be consumed by darkness.
It is important to recognize the beauty in life in your darkest times. Even when life seems horrible and meaningless, beauty still exists. In my case, it was the sky and a flower. When you are down, look around you. Notice the beauty in life. Notice how life is still full of goodness even when it seems to be consumed by darkness. Every time I walk outside, I look for flowers or trees or clear skies or butterflies or fresh snow. That beauty will never be taken away from me. Remember that beauty will always exist even in your darkest moments.
