I think I may love New Year's Resolutions more than anyone I know.

I mean, seriously. It's a problem. On January 1st I become a new woman, and this new woman is capable of reaching all the goals she couldn't the year before.

I usually make a list of things I'm finally going to get around to doing in the new year, hopeful that this will finally be the year that I make them all happen. But, inevitably, that list sits in the notes on my phone until June, when I decide it's about time for my mid-year check-up.

I see that I've only met a few of my goals, have that same burst of motivation I had on January 1st, and then forget about it again until New Year's Eve when I feel crappy about myself because, guess what? This wasn't the year.

So this year, I started to do my typical routine but couldn't think of a single thing I really wanted to accomplish this year. I was tired of making goals for myself and being disappointed when I didn't reach them. I was tired of using a list of unrealistic expectations for myself to gauge whether or not I was a good person, or an efficient person, or a healthy person.

So I decided that my only New Year's resolution would be to pursue "fullness." And every month I would decide what that meant to me. For January, it meant digging up my middle school Polaroid camera to take a picture every day. That month, "fullness" meant making memories and creating evidence that they happened.

My need to find a lesson in literally everything I do has led me here: asking myself what I learned through this experience and how I could tangibly apply these new life lessons.

First and foremost, I started to believe in myself again because I had finally accomplished something that I wanted to do. I think it's important to set goals that have nothing to do with what anyone else thinks about you.

Do you really care if you start going to the gym every day, or are you just worried that people think you don't work out enough? 

For the longest time I was making goals that weren't motivating me at all and then wondering why I wasn't getting anywhere. Once I started making goals that were personal, it became a whole lot easier to follow through. This month, I started small and I got to build back the trust that I had lost with myself from a lot of empty promises and unrealistic goals.

I also stopped believing the lie that slow days and free time meant that I wasn't doing enough. Some days, the only thing I had to take a picture of was the Chick-fil-A I got on my lunch break or me and my mom on the couch watching a movie after everyone else had gone to bed. These moments had never been a part of the busy life I loved before last March.

Sometimes it's good to slow down, and taking pictures of even the most mundane moments made them feel like special little memories that I could look back on in one year or five and see that what is normal now will not be normal then. One day I'll wish to be back on that same couch in the house I grew up in with the woman I grew up with.

To be completely honest, this January was not what I hoped it would be. But even through every disappointment, I am not missing out on my growth. I'm still learning things and I'm still meeting new people and I'm still trying new things.

And even though my New Year's Resolutions didn't look anything like the hopes and dreams I had placed so much of my worth in, they're still tangible reflections of who I am and who I hope I'll become.