Let’s all take a second to acknowledge the quotations around Christian. Feel free to imagine me reading this title out loud, throwing up air quotes and adding in an eye roll for good measure. Those quotation marks and exasperated eye roll are an indication that, no, I do not mean that I am repelled by believers. It means I am so over the fake Christians who declare their faith for attention, then treat you the same, if not worse, than men who claim nothing at all.
The last few guys I dated before my current boyfriend were initially appealing to me because they not only claimed to be Christian men, but they exuded that out loud. Things like praying for you, sharing their testimony to others, going to church and participating in church. That was appealing to me because, as a Christian woman, these men should have been the absolute best to date. They should have treated me with respect, loved me like God loved the church, and been gentlemen through and through.
But that’s not how it worked. All the initial thoughts and attractions were a mask to hide what was behind it. Men who wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, but you know, everything else is fine. Men who claimed this huge testimony of healing in public, yet continued the practices they were supposedly “healed” from in private, asking you not to tell. Men who spoke openly and freely about God when there was a crowd, yet never mentioned Him when you were alone.
You’re probably thinking, “oh so you’re a perfect Christian who expects someone else to be perfect.” No. I’m not perfect, and I never claimed to be. I don’t hide my personal struggles because they’re part of the process, but if you tell me you don’t have the same struggles-- that you will lead with a Godly heart, and then in private you’re someone else…that’s not OK. In any aspect, it's not OK to pretend to be someone you're not in a relationship. Especially when you claim that the made-up version of yourself is better than everyone else.
Too many times I’ve dated the guys from church that claimed to be better only to find that they were the ones that pressured me into things I was trying to avoid. They were the ones taking advantage of my trust in them, and they were the ones manipulating those around them and then often blamed me for their transgressions. I kid you not, I broke up with a guy for not being the Christian man he claimed to be, and he told everyone I broke up with him because I lost my way from God. His choice to protect the lie that he was a perfect Christian came at the price of me because that’s what “Christian” men do. The men who scream the loudest in public that they are divinely chosen are the ones that remove that mask in private to reveal who they really are, and it's not who you signed up for.
Please, don't get me wrong. I’m in no way saying that women should avoid Christian men. I’m not saying that all men who are Christians are liars. I’ve seen the men that really have God in their hearts, that love first, that respect others. Those men do exist, but use discernment to find them. Don’t get clouded by what they claim, but decide by how they act in private.
Above all else, and this applies in any relationship, don't ever let someone treat you like you're beneath them. Don't let them have that power of you, and wield it so that they can take advantage. No one should make you feel like you're lower than them, that you aren't equals.
