I remember crying in the airport, ridiculously anxious and scared of a horrible situation that had not even happened, for one instance. I typically make myself sick over the fear of a bad outcome in the future, but this toxic way of thinking is no way to live a healthy life.

In short, it is anxiety, but instead of just classifying it as anxiety, I have found that most of the times I am upset or worried is when I am depicting a horrible outcome in my head of what life could spin in to. It is my way of protecting myself, thinking of every upsetting scenario and going through the ways of how I will handle it in my head prior to it happening. It can sound somewhat logical, but my mind got carried away with it.

It didn't end up being a thought-out method with plans of reaction for negative outcomes, I would end up worrying about things so bizarre and so unlikely to happen and it would completely consume me. It robbed me of happiness. Worrying about unreal and unlikely situations sent me into spirals of crying and anxiety, and not for any real or plausible reason. I would spend the whole day staring at the wall, unable to speak to anyone because my worry was so consuming, or finally meet my breaking point and just erupt in tears and have to explain to the people around me that I am basically crying for no reason.

There is too much life to live to live every day by the lingering thought of "What if something bad happens?" I have too many good days ahead of me to be spent worrying, and a handful of bad ones that should not be made worse by worry or fear. Life is good, and it is almost frightening because it has been very good for a while, perhaps this is why my mind wants to prepare for the worst, as the daunting thought of things being "too good" comes into play.

Even when bad days come, and they will, I will handle them. I have noticed that when life is so hard, I get through it, and I look back thinking "Damn. How did I ever get through that?" I take pride in the fact that when bad days, situations, and periods of life do occur, I always, always handle them. But, in the meantime, I would like to savor my good days instead of worrying about not-yet-existent bad days.

So, this is a big step for me, but I am going to try and do this. I know it will bring peace to me, and a lot of people who surround me. This year, I will stop worrying about situations that have not happened.