Recently, social media has revolutionized relationships. With a quick tap or swift swipe, connections are made. This can create a false sense of association. We may feel that we have more power than we do. We start to confuse online profiles with reality. Like somehow that snapshot a day manages to encompass a whole life. We see this most often with relationships, particularly romantic ones. We see photos of our friends with their significant others and we form opinions based on those perfectly posed moments they have selected for our viewing.
I thought about this after the recent throwback photo Justin Bieber shared of him and Selena Gomez that had fans everywhere crying "what do you mean?". Suddenly, everyone starts speculating the nature of their relationship and takes sides in the situation. Should they date? Are they dating? Is she mad at him? etc. The problem is…no one knows what really happens between them and quite frankly no one should. We feel entitled to knowing personal moments because everyone is sharing them on social media. It gives us a false sense of connection to the stars, or just our friends, that makes us think that we are seeing a ‘behind the scenes’ story.
The thing is, what happens before and after that photo… Are they happy together? Do they actually have anything in common? Photos on social media don’t provide any background. We live in a culture of false autonomy because we often believe online interactions have more power than they do. A “like” does not substitute action. We should stop to ask ourselves if we are offering anything of essence to the lives we are micro-analyzing. It is a story told over and over in Hollywood and honestly it makes me feel happy to not be a celebrity.
Having gone through a heart breaking split after five years with my high school sweetheart, I experienced firsthand friends taking sides and acquaintances making inferences with little actual knowledge. And that hurt. No one knew the truth about our relationship except me and my ex and that is okay. However, because we have invited the world in to our lives with social media people have begun to think they are entitled to have a piece of our story.
Sometimes people just don’t work out. That is between no one but the two people in the relationship, period. Advice from friends and loved ones can be supportive and essential to healthy relationships but it is not the place of people who do not have a seat at the table to make assumptions or accusations. Such as, fans. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy some juicy celebrity relationship details, but a reality check every so often is necessary.
Navigating relationships are hard enough as is. The added pressure of “likes” or followers takes the emphasis off what love really is- mutual respect and legitimate connection. So, do yourself a favor and don’t think a photo tells the whole story. Re-frame your reference to understand that sharing on social media is a calculated portrayal of self, not the whole truth. Change the conversation, focus on real life happiness.
