Earlier this month, over the course of one fateful weekend, three different people were killed by Amtrak trains passing through Santa Barbara and San Luis Obispo counties. While one of these deaths is still being investigated, it has been confirmed that the other two deaths, a young man and a young woman, were suicides. They were both college students.

In respect for these victims, I’m not going to give names, or talk about the specifics of their struggles. I’m not going to talk about the lives they lived. What I am going to talk about is our perception and treatment of those suffering from depression and other mental illnesses.

I read multiple articles about these Amtrak deaths online; and while the pieces themselves were respectful, the comment sections were completely disheartening. For every person offering their condolences, there was another calling suicide selfish, cowardly, and narcissistic. And it’s easy to understand why someone might say this -- when one attempts or actually commits suicide, it puts their family, friends, and loved ones through an immeasurable and unbearable amount of pain. But we have to remind ourselves that when people are suffering from a mental illness, they are in an unimaginably dark place. Our feelings and opinions are most likely the furthest thing from their minds. At surface level, this may sound selfish and inconsiderate. But we need to realize that, to someone who is depressed, there seems to be, sadly, no other way out.

Perhaps the most painful thing about suicide is that it is usually unexpected. Because those that seem the happiest and most fulfilled are often the same ones that are fighting an inner battle against their demons. This is especially prevalent when we as college students are supposed to be in the prime of our lives. Take, for instance, the story of University of Pennsylvania track runner Madison Holleran. At first glance, she seemed to have it all; in reality, she was suffering from severe depression. It’s also worth noting that social media has made it even easier for us to highlight the good and hide the bad in our lives. So, unfortunately, it’s not surprising that these stories of suicides and suicide attempts come as a surprise to us.

I have never suffered from a mental illness or any form of depression. But I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had my fair share of dark days. Last year, I went through a period when I would have panic attacks at night. I never really understood why; all I know is that I would be awake for hours, inexplicably sobbing and shaking over anything and everything. The next morning, I would wash my face and put on a smile, knowing that everyone would be none the wiser about what I had went through the night before. Similarly, on an even larger and more serious scale, those that are depressed or suicidal often overcompensate for their pain and put on a mask of happiness and optimism. So we need to learn to always be there for our friends and family, through all their highs and lows -- because, unbeknownst to us, their supposed highs might actually be their lows.

Unfortunately, if a friend or loved one is suffering from depression or another mental illness, we can’t necessarily change them or heal them. All we can do is be there for them, but sometimes that little step is all someone needs to keep themselves going. I have multiple friends who have told me that they are or were, at some point, suicidal. And it absolutely breaks my heart. It’s what keeps me up at night sometimes, and it’s what clouds my thoughts on my darker days. This is exactly why many say that suicide is selfish, and that it places a burden on their loved ones. And I won’t deny that knowing my friends are suffering has occasionally brought me down. But the happiness I get from knowing that they are still alive, and still fighting every day, and still trying to get better, outweighs any pain I might feel.

So don’t be afraid to ask a friend if they’re doing OK, or if they need someone to confide in. And don’t be afraid to ask for help if it’s too much for you to take on. But just remember to take that first step. At the end of the day, all we can do is be there for each other.