Fights in a relationship are inevitable. Miscommunication, resentment, trust issues, and in-laws that suck are just some of the thousands of things couples often fight about. Everyone can get frustrated with their partner no matter how in love they are. We sometimes turn to our friends to talk about the fights going on in our relationship. Usually, we just want someone to listen and to empathize. But, more than often, the venting often amounts to a ton of unsolicited advice from your friends. Here are the five reasons you should never tell your friends your relationship problems.
They'll have a bad outlook on your partner
Usually when we confide in others our relationship problems its because we want someone to listen to us and agree with our side of the argument. That means we sometimes leave parts out of the story where we seem wrong and highlight the parts where our partner look extra terrible. Your friends, who have your back and are protective of you will then view your partner like they are some monster. And, even though you may not be fond of your partner at the moment, you certainly don't want people to hate them, especially not your friends who you both hang around with.
The "advice" they give may cloud your judgment
We all know our friends mean the best, but when its the fourth time this month your complaining your partner is showing up late to every date night, your friends might have a field day with unsolicited advice. Like the last point, if your friends already have a negative view of your partner, their advice may be overdramatic and harsh. And, in a time where you are already vulnerable to the negative thoughts their advice may pour fuel on that fire. It is way better to give yourself time to think, cry it out, and order a pie of dominoes to yourself before making any drastic decisions. Your friends don't know how much you love your partner and how much they do on a daily basis for you. This makes it extra easy for them to give advice with the most extreme measures. Trust that it's better to handle it on your own.
People gossip
I know what you're thinking… my best friend would never do that. Of course, you would want to believe that you're best friend will never tell people intimate details about the 6-hour fight you and your partner got into about how he forgot to get peanut butter again. However, just because you are friends with that person this year, it doesn't mean you will be friends with them next year. Such private information can be used as leverage against you and could be spread like wildfire. There is also another side to gossiping that isn't always malicious. Three glasses of pinot grigio later and a friend can be telling another one of your friends what happened. And, if there is one thing I learned from playing telephone in the third grade, stories often get misconstrued, over-exaggerated, and even meshed with other stories when it goes from person to person. All of a sudden that fight with Jim you had because he didn't get peanut butter for the second week in a row can turn into he threw a Skippys peanut butter jar out the window because he hates your parents.
Your partner may feel betrayed
Going into a relationship, you know that your partner may turn to friends for advice hear and now. But it's a deep betrayal to talk about things that you're partner would never want you to share. Fighting is an intimate thing- they show a couple what things each other hates, fears, and get anxious about. Now, of course not every fight is deep- like the peanut butter one. But others, especially ones that deal with deeply personal issues, are best kept between you and your partner and if you have access to one, a therapist.
Your relationship is exactly that, yours
No matter how many times your friends may think and try to convince you they know you're relationship and what's best for you, they don't. You are the only person who knows what is best for you. You are also the person who is with your partner, not you're friends. They don't know what sacrifices your partner made for you, how they get up every morning early to make you breakfast, or how they always check in on you throughout your day. Your friends don't know this because it would be really goddamn annoying if all you did was brag about how great your partner was. This is why its best to keep your relationship to yourself. Of course, we all need a little help once in a while, but be selective about what you choose to tell your friends and remember these five points.
