"Why are you so quiet?"
Man, if I had a nickel for every time I've been asked this! I'm not even really sure what this question means, but it totally has a negative connotation. Is it rhetorical? What if I responded (as I sometimes do in my head) "Why are you so loud?"
I find this question very obnoxious. First of all, is there something particularly wrong with being quiet? I think it's completely fine to be thoughtfully observant before contributing to a conversation. Also, I'm not sure it's fair to be critical about how outgoing you think I am based on our first interaction.
Whatever a person's demeanor, it can often be misjudged based on first impressions. Whether it's a first date, a job interview, or ordering a coffee at Starbucks, we all form them. First impressions are inescapable, but they can also be unfair, inaccurate, or at least, misleading. They can make or break a relationship because they take away the opportunity to truly get to know someone. We turn impressions into judgments, which is where the potential for criticism can arise.
I have a friend who can walk into a room and know everyone in ten minutes. And what's more, they all know her. I must say, it's impressive. I can't say the same for myself. I'm not nearly the loudest person in the room, and it takes me a bit to come out of my shell. But that's just it—given the opportunity, I do come out of my shell.
Labels are jeopardizing — when I'm characterized as shy, it's hard to prove to people that there is much more to me. It's a vicious cycle: I receive this label, am encouraged to act like it because that's what people expect of me, and then, in turn, succumb to their initial impression.
I am quiet until you get to know me. When I'm comfortable, I open up. My friends know me as the fun-loving, multifaceted person I am, and when I'm with them, I'm just as animated as they are. I've found that it's okay to take time before getting comfortable with people. When I do, I'm able to form close relationships with those who get past their initial impressions and take the time to get to know me.
Coming from someone who has been labeled "shy" or "quiet" too many times in her life, being told to "talk more" is frankly, very annoying. I'm actually quite conversational, and while I may not be the one to jump into a group of people as the center of attention, I actually do have a lot to say. Give me the chance, and you may hear something you never would have expected out of someone so "quiet."
The problem truly is not whether someone is soft-spoken or whether they have a big voice. In reality, the issue lies in the ear of the beholder.
