When I was in middle school, my dream was to attend Stanford University. I went to a competitive swim camp there, fell in love with the campus, bought a sweatshirt, and I was hooked. I wasn’t entirely sure why, but it was my first academic love of sorts- the first dream school I really wanted to go after.

And then I started high school. I realized the road to get to Stanford was going to be a long one, but I still felt it was a worthy goal that I knew I could achieve or get close to achieving. My horizons grew and I became more interested in politics. Soon, my dream school had shifted from Stanford, the Ivey of the West Coast, to Georgetown. I wanted so badly to land a job in Washington and go into politics. The path seemed, like Stanford to 8th grade me, so perfect. But again, the road would be a challenge to say the very least.

High school comes with a lot of struggles and hardships. You’re kind of figuring out who you are while trying to pave the way for your future. And honestly, how can you expect someone who is barely old enough to vote in an election that decides the future of a nation to determine their fate and their path toward adulthood? Your choices often end up being mistakes, your judgement is ever-changing, and life is still new to these kids, so the pressure the rest of us think is on them to pick a school is hard to even imagine from the outside.

I remember being on the inside- being in high school and feeling the pressure. I was lucky enough to find my way in the athletic recruiting world and found a school that fit me. But I experienced the same pressure that others felt with the college application process in working to be recruited. And no matter how you’re planning to be noticed by schools or get into schools, this pressure is all-consuming. Every time a trusted adult or influencer in a teenager’s life tells them that where they go to school doesn’t define who they are, this statement in itself tells a kid they’ve missed the mark, and reminds them of that dream school concept- one that they may not have reached.

As you prepare for college, everyone is asking about it- what’s your #1? What’s your dream school? Ideally, where do you see yourself? And we all had that dream school. I can recite the dream schools of my high school best friends to you and we're one year out of high school, because it was a thing we all talked about incessantly as the pressure built.

The concept of a dream school is a trap for high school students. And we need to stop asking them about it. Because when you corner yourself, or corner a student, into idealizing one place, one life, and one school, you could be setting yourself up for the greatest congratulations and excitement- or you could experience the greatest feeling of disappointment.

But that’s not how it should be. See, the college application and acceptance process is hurting our students. And I know that it isn’t something you can really get around because we can’t stop the rate at which competition to get into universities increases, but the way we approach the college conversation, how we help our kids define their success and see their future, and the way we relieve the pressure is something we need to change.

Because there is no dream school- there’s a dream future, a dream achievement, and dream job. But you don’t know anything about what it’s really like to live on a campus, in a new city, or to embrace a school spirit you’re unfamiliar with until you’re there and you’re in it. So what’s the dream anyway? It’s not the school. It’s what could come from it and where it could take you decades into the future.

The reality is you can get anywhere with an education from any school, truly. Getting a degree is something you can do in numerous places, but what really gets you past the hiring point of your career is motivation, passion, and truly excellent work. I’m not saying that kids should stop dreaming about schools because how can you stop someone from hoping that their future will include a top-notch institute? You can’t. But it’s time for students to be taught that they can be successful wherever they go, on any path, if they work hard. It’s not about a dream school- but a dream you actualize in life, a goal, or a completed challenge that gives you fulfillment.

Why is this important to me now? As I head into my sophomore year of college, I’m a much different person than I was a year ago. And that excites me. But I see the students graduating this month going through that same cycle of pressure and worry about their next destination, something that I and all of my friends struggled with. And now that I’m home for my first summer after college I realized something crucial- I’m going to my dream school. I’m living my dream life. I’m incredibly lucky. I’m making goals and plans for the future. I love San Diego State, where I ended up, and while I fell in love with the city, the beach, the outdoors, and the campus, I also have a greater understanding of what success means for me and that isn’t defined by where I am- it’s defined by what I’m doing.

Students and their families should reconsider how they talk about the future- because graduating high school is an achievement on its own. Getting into college is something incredible. No matter where you end up, you’re going places.