Over a year ago, I realized that I am pansexual. After years of trying to be someone I'm not or fit into a lifestyle that, at times, made me feel uncomfortable and disgusted with myself, I finally feel like myself. For those who do not know, being pansexual ("pan" for short), when it comes to finding love, gender doesn't matter. So whether I date someone who is male, female, trans, whatever, I don't care as long as I'm getting the love I look for in a relationship.
I have never been afraid of hiding who I am. Pansexuality is relatively a new term society seems to be acknowledging and trying to understand. With that, when people question what it means or who I preference, I try doing my part to educate those who may ask. There is nothing wrong with curiosity and trying to progress with society. Trust me, I like getting questions about my sexuality and helping broaden people's perspective. Recently, however, when people, specifically guys who hit on me, there is always one question that seems to come up right away.
"Oh man, that's so hot that you chose to be gay. You must get tons of guys hitting on you, right? Is that why you're gay? How many girls have you slept with? Can I join next time?"
Excuse me? First of all, that is none of your business. You wouldn't go up to someone who was heterosexual and ask the same thing, right? What makes it okay for you to ask the same thing to someone who is out?
Also, please stop coming to me when you need someone to help you with your personal sexual fantasy. I am not here for your pleasure or anyone else's, for that matter. What I do with my partners, in my mind, is meant to stay between us. I mean, the internet is here for a reason, pal.
Finally, I am sick and tired of guys saying, "I think gay girls are okay, but not men. That's weird." Sure, it is 2018 and I believe everyone should be for equality. However, I have witnessed men stating that this particular sexual fantasy of LGBTQ+ women does not mean they support the entire LGBTQ+ community. When it comes to queer men, you reach the common "no homo bro" comments and distaste for this portion of the community. Sorry to break it to you, but I want nothing to do with you if you don't support all of us. No exceptions.
The point I'm trying to make is this: Stop sexualizing my sexual orientation. As a queer woman, I am tired of being seen, by most men, simply just for how the porn industry portrays queer relationships. We are not high sex driven women who sleep with every person we see. Threesomes are not something that is always on our mind, so stop asking.
