Our whole lives we are taught to look for validation, whether it's from a teacher, a parent, a coach, or even a friend. We were raised to not feel good about ourselves unless someone else justifies it. I am sick of it. I shouldn't need validation to be happy about myself, and you shouldn't either.
How do you change your mindset away from looking for validation in others? I will admit, I am not completely sure of the answer. However, I do know the first step is acknowledging that it is happening.
The main way people search for validation is through social media. Now don't get me wrong, I love social media, but with the right mindset. It shouldn't be about how many likes and comments you get on your #selfie, it should be about sharing what makes you happy. Sure, we all want to look good to others it is human nature, but at the end of the day getting 200+ likes on a photo will not make you any more pretty.
With this, we also need to stop judging people for petty things like how many followers they have. Stop supporting this superficial world! Get to know someone, ignore how many likes they get and focus on what they believe in and what their morals are. Think of it like this: I would rather be friends with someone who has 10 likes and is a really nice person than someone who is mean and gets 1,000 likes.
We also look for validation from our parents. While it does make sense, I feel like sometimes we are too extreme when searching. Yes, I love my parents and I want them to be proud of me, but I shouldn't try to get good grades just to make them happy. Instead, I should learn to want good grades for myself and my own future. It's simple psychology, intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Are you pushing to do something or is someone else? In order to eventually be a self-sustaining adult, you have to be able to want to do good things for yourself.
Schools can also make us search for validation, especially when applying to colleges. Just because you do not get into a school doesn't mean you're dumb or not worthwhile. It just means your application didn't meet the criteria. You are way more than a piece of paper – you are a powerful individual. I remember when I got waitlisted to my reach school and I was devastated. I thought I was dumb and that all of high school was a waste of time. Oh, how I was wrong. I just didn't get in, not everyone gets into every school and that's okay. At the end of the day, I am still getting a college education at a school I love.
Last and probably most important, stop comparing yourself to others for validation. Every person is unique in their own way. Them being gorgeous will not take away from your beauty, and being near someone ugly doesn't make you cuter. Beauty should not be viewed as relative, but something from the inside.
But if you don't find validation in others where do you? Yourself! Set goals and work hard to better yourself. I find the most successful people do it for their own future rather than for anyone or anything else.