If you’re like me, when you bump into someone, hear bad news, or arrive late, the word that pops out is "sorry." Even if my actions have no effect on the situation, if something goes wrong, I am the one to apologize. Sometimes, I say sorry when I don’t know what else to say. Originally, sorry probably used to express regret over deliberate malicious actions. Today it is used in a variety of situations and virtually means nothing at all.
Saying sorry can quickly become a habit. Even if you have good intentions, sorry becomes a filler word and can come across as insincere. Think about it: An apology from someone who says sorry all the time does not mean the same thing as an apology when you have actually been wronged. Constantly apologizing for situations that are not due to your actions makes others see you as less confident and always ready to take the blame. Saying sorry all the time makes others less likely to own up to their mistakes. This might be better than not apologizing and seeming rude, but not every situation is your fault. You should not feel obligated to take responsibility simply because it is the polite thing to do.
However, sorry as a polite word affects women the most. Our American culture teaches women to be polite in every circumstance and this includes apologizing profusely. Even if females are "strong" and "empowered," the cultural expectation is that, to function well in society, women must express their opinions in a way that could not possibly offend anyone. This is why I often find myself opening with, “Sorry, but…” or closing with, “Sorry, but that’s my opinion.” If I feel like I need to use my manners, I can phrase my statements in a way that does not involve saying sorry.
What is the best way to stop overusing sorry? Avoid it. Don’t say sorry. Take a break to stop and think of meaningful words to express your intent. When you bump into someone, say “excuse me.” When you hear bad news, say “wow, that’s terrible and hard to hear. Want to talk about it?” When you are late, say “please forgive me for wasting your time.” Words have power and others will appreciate you more when you articulate yourself rather than relying on an overused, empty saying. Eliminating sorry from your vocabulary takes time and effort. The trade-off is increased confidence, not only in yourself but in your ability to effectively communicate with others.
