When I was in elementary school I had a crush on this boy in my class who had a smile that would give Flynn Rider a run for his money. I daydreamed that one day our eyes would meet from across the tetherball courts and we would run through the kickball fields at after lunch recess. In my mind, there was nothing this boy could do wrong because, of course, he was dreamy. As fate would have it, we would eventually get to talk and at the end of our short conversation, my fifth-grade self quickly realized that this boy was not who I thought he was. My immediate response was shock: How could he possibly not meet the expectations I had set for him?

Looking back now, what is most striking to me is that by the time I actually talked to this boy, I had already built him up in my head and imagined the person that I wanted him to be instead of just going up to him and finding out.

And so it began…

This habit isn’t one specific to fifth-grade me. Here I am 9 years later and I still catch myself dreaming up perfect versions of the people in my life. It’s a habit that has persisted in my friendships, in my relationships with my role models, and even in my romantic relationships.

I know I’m not alone in this.

We live in a society that places individuals on pedestals to emphasize the importance of being larger than life. The fact of the matter is that we idolize people for a lot of reasons. For one, It gives us hope to hold onto when we’re unhappy with ourselves or because we’re jealous of other’s lives; honestly, the list goes on forever but I can tell you I do it because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being ordinary, afraid of living a plain-Jane ordinary life, and afraid of falling in love with someone who’s ordinary.

It terrifies me.

So a few heartbreaks, disappointments, and rom-coms later, I realized I had to stop this habit of mine. It wasn’t healthy to place these people who I cared for on pedestals because it prevented me from knowing who they truly were. In fact, I soon realized that I was falling in love with the idea of a person instead of the actual person.

I wanted someone fantastic to come into my life and complete my world in an exciting way. There are two things fundamentally wrong with this aspiration. One, no one in this world exists to complete you. No matter what mountains or obstacles you’re attempting to move, you are whole. Two, I was setting myself up for disappointment. Instead of taking a person for who they were, I wanted them to live up to the impossible standards I had devised in my head.

The worst part of this whole debacle was the fact that I kept expecting people to not be themselves.

And so I stopped.

Do you know what actually happens when you take people off a pedestal? You get to see them for who they truly are -- 9 times out of 10 they are far more extraordinary than the person you imagined they would be.

I can’t tell you why we’re all here on this maddening earth, but I can tell you it’s definitely not to be perfect, in fact, perfect is overrated. It’s so boring, mundane, and downright exhausting. The human experience is a beautiful and tragic one. There is no perfect person who will meet all the items on your list for “world’s best friend or significant other,” not with all the craziness we’ve got going on; it’s unrealistic. Instead, there are people who, in spite of the amazing and awful things they encounter in their everyday life, will continually try to be better, to do better, and to help make you a better person. They will make the choice to be in your life and along the way they’ll share their life journey with you -- this is the extraordinary part.

It’s important to note that the moment you decide who a person will be and what they’re capable of doing, you are denying them of their humanity.

Next time you meet someone, instead of imagining what they’re like, take the time to ask them questions; listen to their menagerie of stories and sage words of wisdom. Every single person walking this earth carries a backpack full of adventure, stories, and life lessons that, if you’re lucky enough, they’ll share with you.

Throw out all of the idealized versions of the people in your life, screw the idea of being perfect, and for crying out loud, take people as they are.

You will be astonished.