A few weeks ago, a friend of mine randomly blurted out that she was in search for food, specifically something to eat for dinner. Reading her message at 5 p.m., I was genuinely confused as to who ate dinner at 5 p.m., and was even more confused when I realized she was two hours behind and would be eating dinner at 3 p.m. After questioning why she wanted to eat dinner so early, and receiving a legitimate reason, I asked her what she was going to eat. She more or less asked the whole group chat if one of us could buy her a pizza, and recalling her failed request (a GoFundMe page asking for $15 to buy a pizza) earlier in the year, I agreed.

I asked her which pizza chain does she prefer, Domino's or Pizza Hut, but after realizing Domino's did not deliver to her area. The next logical thing to do, was to ask her what toppings she wanted on her pizza. Tomato. Onion. Pineapple. Let me repeat that again. Tomato. Onion. PINEAPPLE. I was fine and dandy with the tomatoes and onions, I mean the tomatoes on a pizza are kind of redundant, but whatever. My problem arose when I read the word pineapple.

For those of you who don't know, pineapple does not belong on pizza. In no way, shape, or form does it taste good on a pizza. Why on this planet earth would someone want to ruin two separately good foods and ruin them by combining them together. Pineapple tastes fine by itself or with other fruits. Similarly, pizza tastes fine with cheese, or tomatoes, or relatively savory foods.

Lesson to be learned: Pineapples and pizza do not mix. Don't do it.