The dating scene looks a lot like the Hunger Games.
Women are more educated than their predecessors and have the degrees to prove it. The dating market has an influx of successful, independent women with an ambition of their own. This is an amazing thing, but these same women are having a difficult time finding a mate to commit to them. I’ve seen way too many blog posts about this phenomenon. Guess who else has read them? Men have most certainly figured out the pathology behind a lot of single women. The average single man is elated by the number of eligible women that would make great partners. It isn’t an anomaly anymore to be financially independent and a successful woman – join the club! Men have their PICK of amazing women, and in some cities, women outnumber their male counterparts.
What is a single man to do with all these options?
They have a great array of women to choose from, usually at the touch of a button. Phone applications make dating so easy, and casual sex is even simpler. No hassle, no fuss. But many women want a commitment, not a night of passion. So what do women do when they do find a guy they like? They show off all their talents or chide women who can’t cook as well as them. They brag about the promotion at work, or how well their independent business is doing. And less classy women love to suggest how great they are in bed. Believe it or not, there are TONS of women who feel that these traits are somehow exclusive to them. As if there aren’t many single women who love to bake, invest in Roth IRAs and are a freak in the sheets. Men know this, so why don’t you?
I am not a relationship expert or a guru.
All I know is what I see. From what I can tell, a lot of women are starting to become “pick-me’s.” A "Pick-Me" is a woman who feels she can earn respect, trust and commitment from a significant other via hard work. They pride themselves on being “wife material.” But guess what? Men are not trying to date their mother – they don’t need another doting woman to take care of them. And I know what you’re thinking “well, I don’t do or say any of those things, so she can’t be talking about me.” But I probably am.
Even if you don’t have any of the traits listed above, it’s likely you have a different flaw: being way too nice. A lot of women, including myself, love to give to others. We love giving affection because we are nurturers – it’s what we do best. If you find yourself thinking If only he knew how much I cared or doesn’t he realize how good he has it? then I’m talking about you now. You want so badly for a man to fight for you, to choose you the way you chose him.
But no man is going to value a woman that doesn’t choose herself.
A lot of us give too much of ourselves for too little. We cook for men that would never let us meet his mother. We have sex with men that will never take us out on a “real date.” We shower men with affection hoping it will return his heart back to us. It won’t and never will. It is never your job to earn a man – he has to earn you. What has he tangibly done to make you believe he is committed? Believe 30% of what you hear and all of what you see him do. If he says he loves you but you never get off (sexually), then guess what? You made him feel like he doesn’t have to try. If he says he will never cheat again and he does, guess what? You made him feel like he can come and go as he pleases.
If he says he needs “space” then girl….he wants space away from you, not Ashley in his poli-sci class.
It’s disturbing to see a whole generation of women stumble over their own BS. We claim to be feminists; we claim to be “wife material.” But if we were, we would act like it. Not go out with that guy on Tinder just because. Our society needs more strong women, women who put themselves and their happiness over all else. We don’t need more “Pick-Mes” who turn tricks for male attention. It’s time women start demanding what we deserve or admit how cowardly we really are.
