You’ve been hooking up with someone for a while now, and at first, you were “all good” with the no strings attached fling you two had going on.
But, as it always happens, things ended up feeling more than just friends with benefits — it just creeped in and neither of you wanted to acknowledge it. You talked like lovers and laughed like friends. It just wasn't the same anymore.
The sex and intimacy made it more than a friendship, but the lack of commitment made it less than a relationship.
One morning, instead of sneaking out before the sun rose, one of you decided to stay, snuggled in the warmth of the other person’s bed. One night, instead of the weekend, it was Wednesday night, and you found yourself missing the other person, wanting to binge-watch "Prison Break" again. One afternoon, while walking down the street, you saw someone, or something, that reminded you of your FWB, and you immediately wished they were by your side to tell them and laugh about it. One of your infamous “walks of shame,” you two kissed goodbye, and it felt different than the normal, boozey-breath and sleepy eyed goodbyes.
Instead of confessing these feelings and expressing them to your “hookup buddy,” you kept them locked up and tucked away with the fear of getting hurt. Or, maybe it was just denial of the fact that you’re actually starting to “catch the feels” for your FWB, which is completely prohibited in your unwritten rule book (only the two of you know).
You’re stuck, and you’re caught in deep. They’ve hooked you like a fish, and now you’re feeling out of water and out of your own control. You read a stupid meme on Instagram, and they’re the first person you want to tag them in. You see someone with long blonde hair, and you immediately do a double-take in case it might be her. Every time your phone buzzes, you’re hoping and praying it’s them asking to hang out, and when you do finally see their name on your phone, your heart skips a beat and your stomach flutters a little extra.
See, the thing is that we set ourselves up for disaster by investing our time and emotions into our “no strings attached” relationships. We neglect to remember that they’re called “no strings attached” for a reason, which means they’re strictly hooking up, strictly no feelings and strictly nothing more.
Sure, maybe a FWB can work at first, but it usually always ends up with someone catching feelings and getting heartbroken when they want to break the dysfunctional “terms of agreement” you signed once you hopped into bed with them.
Knowing it would end eventually, breaking up with your FWB can sometimes be more painful than ending it with your exclusive relationship.
But why? Why is it that “breaking up” with someone who was just there for a good time can hurt more than ending it with someone you spent a long time being exclusive with?
I think it hurts more with your FWB because you were so close to something, so close you could taste it, and at some points, you even had it. With your FWB, you two were intimate, you laughed and probably enjoyed being in each other’s company, but you never got to the “what if” part, the “what if we actually took this to the next step.”
It was always out of the question; it just wasn’t in the deck of cards you two dealt for each other. And that feeling of not knowing what could have been is what kills you.
At least having a relationship, you know what it was, you know what you had and you two probably took it all the levels that your relationship could have gone. But with your FWB, you gave them all the benefits without asking for anything in return, without the label, without the commitment and when it ends, it just ends without the closure.
If you’re offering your FWB all the benefits of having you as an amazing significant other, why would they ever feel the need to make it official with you? If you’re treating them the way they want to be treated, why stop? If you don’t make it known that you need the label in order to continue this, then there will be no change in the terms of agreement you two decided on.
Think about it: If things are going great just the way they are, no label but all the benefits, then why would this person feel inclined to take the next step with you? They have all they want, and according to your “situation,” so you do.
Know your worth and stop settling. It might be scary to open up and express your feelings for someone, but if you keep avoiding it, then you’re always going to be stuck in “limbo,” or in an “agreement-relationship” you’re no longer satisfied in.
Stop offering the person you’re interested in your all if they are not yet willing to do the same for you.
