Do you ever find yourself looking at someone, a stranger or maybe even a friend and making comparisons? We all do it; we may not even realize that we’re doing it. It can have to do with looks, possessions, lifestyles, intellect etc. We’ve been exposed to this since we were young. You may have been compared to a sibling or even a parent when they were younger. Now that you’re older, that habit has unknowingly become instilled in you. You have probably noticed that someone is taller/shorter than you, someone is smarter than you, or something as crazy as someone has better luck than you. Most of the time it is things we cannot change about ourselves and when it is it does not push us to better ourselves it just lowers our self-esteem. It is wasteful to point out your shortcomings and it gets us nowhere.
It is funny because sometimes it can be more disguised when it is someone that you know. I was having a conversation with my coworker last week we talked about how we grew up and I spoke about the amazing support system I have had my whole life. I said that while I appreciate everything that I have sometimes I wish I was more independent like she is. To which she replied that it's funny I say that because she’s like this because she had to learn how to support herself a young age and at times she wished that that wasn’t the case. She then commented on how often we compare ourselves in every aspect without knowing one another’s circumstances.
It is not only the everyday people we compare ourselves to. The worst and most common in this day and age is when we compare ourselves to people on social media or celebrities. There is this illusion that is put on social media so that we seem perfect and some are far better at it than others. We see Instagram accounts of people who wake up to a beautiful beach view and have the perfect body and hair. However, there is no real way of knowing how real the lifestyle they have conveyed is. We never know how many snapshots were taken before it became "Instagram-worthy". As well, with all the new apps that are out we are more connected to celebrities. We are able to take a closer look at a celebrity’s life through outlets such as Snapchat. Those brief ten-second videos affirm the belief that we all have about beauty and lifestyle of the famous. It makes us question how they can be so flawless at every hour of the day, even when the makeup has come off.
Social media, in general, tells us that we need to compare ourselves. You will see posts that are supposed to be in celebration but end up bashing a group of people. For example, the everlasting light skin vs dark skin debate. The shade of one’s skin does not dictate beauty. There will be posts saying light skin women are winning over dark skin women or even some say that light skin people are going out of style and darker skin is better. It is amazing to love yourself and celebrate your beauty but the minute you begin to belittle someone is when it is time to stop.
Personally, I will always find myself scrutinizing every aspect of myself. I have become so good at comparing myself and losing to others that I find it hard to believe the compliments that are given to me. Why would someone like my hair when it isn’t as long as theirs? It is crazy how detailed it can get too! I’ll find myself wondering why I can’t possess a certain personality trait. She has such a positive outlook. You would never even think about something like that yet those thoughts constantly cross my mind.
In a society that constantly tells you that you are not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, or pretty enough, and it can definitely be difficult to stop yourself from making these comparisons. You have to dare to love yourself and you want to change something, by all means, feel free to do so. But please let it be because you truly want to, not because it is what society deems to be acceptable. Realize that where and who you are in life is where and who you are supposed to be. It is okay that I am not as independent as I want to be. I will learn those things in time and it will make for hilarious, unforgettable memories when I attempt to do things independently.
Try to remember that while you’re comparing yourself they may be doing the same exact thing. You most likely already have someone that compares you to others already so don’t take away your own joy by being that person. I challenge you to love your flaws and remind yourself that everything in life is happening for a reason. There are no mistakes in life. It’s difficult, but remind yourself and I’ll be doing the same.
