Theodore Roosevelt once said: "Comparison is the thief of joy." While it may seem like a cliché quote that you'd find on someone's Tumblr or in their Instagram bio, the statement couldn't be more true. Comparing yourself to someone else may seem innocent - we've all done it - but the reality is that comparison is a dangerous thing. It can destroy your self-worth, your relationships and yes - even take away your joy.
Like everyone, I've had my moments of insecurity, and I still do. I remember entering high school in ninth grade and looking at the "popular" girls, wishing I was half as outgoing and bubbly as they were. They seemed to effortlessly navigate through high school life. The teachers loved them, the boys loved them. They were elected for student council positions and the prom court and always got invited to parties. I, on the other hand, was relatively shy and had a close-knit group of friends. I spent my time at choir practice, theater rehearsals and at my church youth group. I thought that because I wasn't outgoing like the other girls, I wasn't good enough or fun enough.
I watched as my friends breezed through chemistry like it was nothing; meanwhile, I was struggling just to get a C. When I looked at my friends who were acing the tests, all I could think about was how stupid I felt next to them. It was during this time in my life that I saw my self-worth based on my comparisons with others. In these moments, my comparisons led me to believe that I was less than good enough just because I had different strengths and weaknesses. Many days I walked around feeling bad about myself, and it was all my own doing. As I matured, I realized how much time I had wasted comparing myself to others and instead became comfortable in who I was. Sure, I sucked at math and science, but my writing skills were above average and learning Spanish came easily to me. Sometimes we get so focused on what we can't do (and what others can) that we don't even notice our own strengths.
Not only is comparison harmful to our self-worth, but it can jeopardize our relationships, whether that's with a sibling, a friend, a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Sometimes we compare ourselves to those who are closest to us. Maybe we think they're smarter, prettier or more talented. Maybe they attend a more prestigious college, got a better job out of college, live in a nicer house, etc. And although I don't have a brother or sister, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to keep from comparing yourself to your siblings, especially when other family members reinforce your insecurities or make note of how you could be more like them. However, comparing yourself to those closest to you is probably one of the worst things that you can do. I've found that when I have compared myself to my friends or even a boyfriend, not only do I feel bad about myself, but I begin to develop negative feelings towards that person too (whether it's jealousy, resentment, bitterness, etc.). When we let comparison take control of our relationships, we lose sight of all the good in that relationship and in that person. And how silly is it to risk hurting your relationship with someone who means a lot to you because of your own insecurities?
Even today there are times where I still compare myself to others. Last summer it seemed like everyone I knew from my high school or my church was getting engaged. Seriously. Everyone. I looked at countless engagement posts on Facebook, feeling bad about myself because I wasn't in that stage of my life yet. Now, I think of how silly it was for me to react that way and spend so much time feeling bad about myself because of someone else's joy. The most important thing to recognize is that everyone is different. We are all unique - in our appearance, in our strengths and abilities, in our path in life and in the timing of our lives. Once you realize that someone else's strengths or victories in life don't diminish your own, you can be free from the burden of comparison. Embrace your individuality, embrace the diversity between you and those around you and don't let comparison be the thief of your joy.
