Comparison is a dangerous vice that occurs all too often in my life. And sadly, it seems to be a common stumbling block to hundreds of other young people as well. I see that its poisonous influence seeps into a many aspects of my life and my friendships are no exception.
I am so blessed to know and love many different types of friends that I have met at every step along the way. I have dear childhood friends, cherished friends from my days in high school, long-distance friendships that formed as a result of summer endeavors and new beloved college pals. And that list is far from exhaustive.
But amidst all the joy that goes along with having such wonderful people in my life, it is frighteningly easy for me to compare these relationships to each other.
It looks a little something like this…
“Wow, I had such a good time playing soccer today with Friend A. But yesterday I had coffee and talked about life’s deepest questions with Friend B. But last week I was in tears laughing with Friend C!”
My mind starts running at 100 miles per hour, wondering why I don’t talk about Freudian theory with Friend A, or why Friend C and I never watch foreign films together, or why Friend B doesn’t make me laugh until my sides hurt.
But this is such an unhealthy approach to my friendships.
Instead of appreciating the elements that make each of my relationships so unique, I focus on what I am supposedly lacking. My critical mind chooses to pick apart my friendships and become worried if I perceive a flaw anywhere.
By comparing Friendship A with Friendship B, I do each of my friends a serious disservice. I would even go as far as to say that I dishonor them. This ugly habit of comparison causes me to completely disregard the invaluable bonds that drew me to each of my friends in the first place.
Why would I want my friendships to all look the same anyway? How boring!
I sometimes like to think of my friendships as being a tree. Without trying to sound arrogant, I am the metaphorical trunk, and the branches are my friendships. While all the branches look similar because they are attached to the same trunk (me!), they each spread in different directions and have varying shapes and sizes of buds or leaves scattered all over. And in my opinion, if all the branches were the same size, grew in the same direction, and had the same pattern of leaves, it wouldn’t look like a tree at all; at least not a healthy tree.
So I would encourage you to join me as I try to stop my bad habit. A popular quote by Theodore Roosevelt is "Comparison is the thief of joy." (Remember that the next time you see that quote on your Pinterest feed!) And while the quote is somewhat overused, it is unquestionably true.
So let those branches grow in all kinds of crazy directions! Step back and admire your beautiful, unique tree. And keep the pruning tool of comparison far, far away.
