"Don't do that. Don't wish you were in another skin, that you were another person; someone prettier, someone thinner, someone with lighter or darker skin. You are you. And nothing can be more special than your individuality. You is sacred, you is one-of-a-kind, you is you. No one can be you. Love who you are and the world will love you back just the way you are."
-poemsporn_
When I started the lifelong journey in discovering who I am and what I stand for, I found myself diving into crazy adventures that my younger self would never have imagined. I befriended people I had very little in common with. I started a crazy diet that I thought would make me whole and I cleansed myself of relationships or distractions that threatened my path.
And while this journey thus far has been enlightening and exciting, it has also had some unexpected twists and turns. I had my heart broken by an unexpected friend. I realized that in order to love the body I was in, I needed to stop torturing myself and accept who I was as I was. And I learned that no matter the distance if you have faith, friendships can withstand all.
I admit, in the beginning (and even now I can't lie) I was guilty of comparing my life to others. How much more (or less) they were in shape than me. How much happier they appeared on social media. How much wealthier they seemed. How much more love they seemed to have that I did.
Ultimately, I found myself wishing I was someone else
And while I still wished for it, I silently hated myself for doing so.
How could I dislike the life and body I was given so much that I would throw it away? How could I throw away my education, my hard work and the lessons I have learned from heartbreak, loss, and redemption?
But most importantly, would I even like the new body or life I was in?
Or would I simply wish for my old one back?
Because of this, I have found myself much more introspective these last few months as I have tried to work through these thoughts and fears. And while it has still left me with more questions than answers, I am learning the harsh reality of determining who I am and who I aspire to be.
And with it, I am beginning to ignore the comments and successes of other people and beginning to recognize my own more so.
I may never look like I did in high school again. I may never smile as big as I did when I was 20. And I will never be exactly like anyone else.
But that's okay.
Because for the first time in my life I am proud of who I am and what I am capable of. I am strong. So strong that I run 5k distances for fun now. And that's crazy!!! So strong that when others ask me if I am dieting when eating a salad I can say no. I like the body I am in. It carries me where I need and supplies me in a happy and healthy manner.
But most importantly, I have faith. That no matter what my outcome, career end goal or destination looks like it will be exactly where I am meant to be when I am meant to be there.
For the first time in my life, I don't want to be anyone else but me.
And that brings me far more joy than I ever imagined.
So regardless of where you are, simply in the middle or toeing the beginning, I hope that you might take the time to look introspectively and find joy in who you are and who you are meant to be. After all, you are you. And the world needs far more individuals like you than replicas of somebody else.
