Dear You,
I remember I was once like you. I always feared judgment, changed outfits depending on what people complimented me on the previous days, and more. I would go out of my way to avoid people who were mean to me and also go out of my way to put myself in front of people whose judgment I wanted. Every day, I would be late to class to fit in with everyone else, scream trendy phrases just to be 'funny,' make a fool of myself because I thought it would make me cool.
One day, I finally realized as harsh as it sounds...I just looked stupid.
All the times I was late to class would get me in trouble, I was wearing clothes I wasn't comfortable/couldn't express myself in, and me making a fool out of myself was literally that— looking like a complete fool.
Being someone you're not is not fun, it's hard work to keep up the act, and it gets tiring.
And yes, I've definitely been the girl who dated guys and changed to someone I'm not for them.
I would put up with things I wasn't okay with in order to keep my friendship with everyone around me who knew the person as well. I didn't want to be left alone, so I stayed and did things that weren't 'me.' I completely lost myself trying to fit in with a guy, some friends, and just to today's society in general.
Things do not have to be like that.
First off, if someone doesn't like you for who you are, then don't put yourself around them. You are not someone's keeper, minion, or sidekick. You are you, you are the leader of your own circus— you're not a silly sideshow.
Everyone is really quick to judge, say their opinion, or even come at you for something.
However, it humors me when people do that because everyone has their own dirt that can be dug up.
For example, a liar can't call someone else a liar and mean it without sounding hypocritical.
A cheater can't get mad if one day they get caught or cheated on.
A man cannot tell a woman how to be a lady, nor can a woman tell a man how to be manly.
A teen mom cannot be disgusted in/judge other teen moms.
All of these things are hypocritical.
Why?
Because if you have some sort of dirt, drama, or backstory on you, you don't judge other people for theirs.
Someone who has never been in your shoes cannot tell you how to wear them.
Everyone has gone through their own lives, experiences, and situations.
There is no need to care about others opinions because YOU know YOU and what YOU have lived through.
No one else is here to fight your battles for you, no one can tell you what to do because, in the ultimate end, you don't have to do it.
Caring about/fearing judgment of others is not healthy. You are ruining your mental health and changing yourself for someone who might not matter months or years down the road. You're changing for someone else instead of for yourself.
Stop caring about the judgment, live your life, and be completely free.
Sincerely,
Someone that was in your shoes for an awfully long time.
