To Find Real Friendship, I Had To Stop Being Toxic
Start writing a post

In Order To Find Real Friendships,I Had To Stop Being A Toxic Friend

All of us have toxic tendencies, but that's no excuse not to be aware of them.

In Order To Find Real Friendships,I Had To Stop Being A Toxic Friend

I will be honest, I have been a toxic friend before. I have been the one to make people feel like they are not a priority, to tear them down when they needed me to lift them up. I've gossiped, been self-absorbed, and been the type of friend I would never wish on another person. They say hurt people hurt people, and I was no exception. In a dark time of my life, I was a terrible friend to the people I had in my life and ended up irreparably ruining a friendship. I have deep regrets about ever having been this person, and wish desperately that I could go back and treat people better. But I can't change what happened, and I can't pretend like I don't have those tendencies. I have to own up to the fact that I have hurt people in the past, and that there are parts of me which aren't the good person I try to be.

When I took a step back and realized I was causing problems, I was able to be more careful in the way I interacted with and talked about my friends. I'm not perfect: I still tend to gossip too much, I can be more rude than necessary, and have been a bad friend on more than one occasion recently. The difference is that now I'm aware of these flaws. I can call myself out and end a destructive action as I'm doing it. I am no longer pretending to be a perfect friend. By removing the delusions that I was a good friend, I actually started to become a good friend. Or at least a better one. Because I was aware of the way that my actions were hurting other people. I was able to start validating people instead of tearing them down and was able to begin building genuine friendships instead of dishonest ones.

To all my fellow self-absorbed people: stop making excuses for yourself. Own up to the parts of yourself you're not proud of, and most of all know that you can get better. Just because you have been a bad friend in the past, does not mean you have to doom yourself to be this way forever. You can recognize that you played a part in the destruction of friendship and use that knowledge to better yourself. Knowing your toxic tendencies and being able to recognize when you're falling back into old habits is the first step towards being the true, genuine friend someone needs.

People attract people similar to them. If you are looking at your life and wondering where all the positive, empowering people are, make sure that you yourself are bringing positive and empowerment to others. If you are bringing happiness into other people's lives, you will attract the kind of people who can bring happiness into yours.

There is no stage of life where you reach the best you can be. There is always room to grow, always room to become a better person. This constant room for improvement should not be exhausting, it should be exciting. As kind as you have been in the past, as loving as you are being now, you can always be kinder and you can always, always, always love more. And you can always learn how to be a better friend.

This is not to say that other people are never to blame when friendships go south. Certain people can still be harmful to you and in many cases, you may not be to blame for toxic relationships. But you have to learn to accept your responsibility for creating a toxic relationship. Conflicts are never the fault of one person, and learning how you contribute to hurtful relationships will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself. In doing this, I have been able to surround myself with so many incredible, positive, and kind people and have built a real family out of my friends. I still regret my past actions which ended relationships which could have been amazing. But today I am able to embrace the bad parts of myself and work to better them. When you learn to abandon your toxic habits and embrace your good ones, you will see your relationships flourish.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

To The Classes That Follow

I want you to want to make the most of the years that are prior to Senior year

To The Classes That Follow
Senior Year Is Here And I Am So Not Ready For It

I was you not that long ago. I was once an eager freshman, a searching sophomore, and a know-it-all junior. Now? Now I am a risk taker. Not the type that gets you in trouble with your parents, but the type that changes your future. Senior year is exciting. A lot of awesome things come along with being the top-dog of the school, but you, right now, are building the foundation for the next 4 years that you will spend in high school. I know you've heard it all. "Get involved", "You'll regret not going to prom", "You're going to miss this". As redundant as these seem, they're true. Although I am just at the beginning of my senior year, I am realizing how many lasts I am encountering.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Power Of Prayer Saved My Best Friend's Life

At the end of the day, there is something out there bigger than all of us, and to me, that is the power of prayer.

Julie Derrer

Imagine this:

Keep Reading... Show less

Why Driving Drives Me Crazy

the highways are home


With Halloween quickly approaching, I have been talking to coworkers about what scares us. There are always the obvious things like clowns, spiders, heights, etc. But me? There are a number things I don't like: trusting strangers, being yelled at, being in life or death situations, parallel parking. All of these are included when you get behind the wheel of a car.

Keep Reading... Show less
Baseball Spring Training Is A Blast In Arizona
Patricia Vicente

Nothing gets me more pumped up than the nice weather and the sights and sounds of the baseball season quickly approaching.

Keep Reading... Show less

Impact Makers: Melanie Byrd

Find out how this TikTok star gets women excited about science!

Impact Makers: Melanie Byrd

How it all began

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments