Why We Really Need To Stop Asking Women When They Are Going To Reproduce
Start writing a post

Why We Really Need To Stop Asking Women When They Are Going To Reproduce

Because we are so much more than our uterus.

Why We Really Need To Stop Asking Women When They Are Going To Reproduce

Women have been blessed with the magical ability to grow and carry life. Naturally, once women are a certain age or have reached certain milestones in their life, people start asking things like:

“When do you plan on starting a family?”
“Are you going to settle down anytime soon?”
“But, how will you have time for children?”

You all know what I’m talking about. Now, I am not disregarding how beautiful, exciting and worthy this is of celebrating. I am equally as obsessed with Beyonce's pregnancy photos as you are. I’m also not saying I don’t understand why people ask these things. I’ve even been guilty of jokingly baby-pushing on my family members or close friends. I’d love nothing more than a few more little cousins, or god-children to love.

These questions might seem innocent and harmless. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case to the woman being asked. These questions can be intrusive, insensitive and even triggering. Some women may feel obligated to tell you what you want to hear, others may feel backed into a corner and forced to disclose things about fertility, sexuality, or their personal life in general.

First, by asking these kinds of questions, you are implying that fertility is not an issue. In the United States, 7.5 million women ages 15-44 battle infertility and about 10 to 15 out of 100 known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Not to mention approximately 1 in 10 women have disorders that can affect fertility and the reproductive system like endometriosis or polycystic ovary syndrome. For those of us that have miscarried, battle infertility, or have that very real possibility looming over us, these questions can be difficult to respond to. Knowing of these struggles but asking anyways, is incredibly insensitive and completely invalidates the severity and heartbreak of the situation. It is also putting these women in a position to have to discuss or acknowledge something they may not be comfortable with. If they are open to talking about it, listen. If they aren't, respect that.

Second, asking these questions puts women in the position to justify their relationships, sexuality, career choices. Just because someone is a certain age, at a certain place in life and in fact, has a uterus, does not mean that they want to reproduce anytime soon- or ever. There have been studies over the last few years showing that about 1/3 of millennials don't even want kids.

Why is it that after I graduated college, several people asked me about my plans to get hitched and have a family, rather than ask me about my career?

Why is it, that starting in high school, when I talked about my career goals and plans to attend graduate school, I was constantly discouraged and pushed towards a more suitable career and adult life to be a mother?

Why is it that when expressing interest in adopting or fostering, I am questioned about that decision, as if it is not a perfectly viable option that can be completely independent of fertility?

Many of my peers and women before me have told of similar stories, starting from adolescence and even childhood on. We should not be teaching little girls before they even go through puberty that their worth depends on their fertility or desire to have children. We should not be belittling their accomplishments and aspirations just because they do not involve reproduction or motherhood.

Yes, most women are blessed with fertility. Many of us will go on to be amazing mothers at various ages. Many of us will use a surrogate, foster, adopt. Many of us will have the ability to choose to make motherhood a priority. But, many of us won't have that opportunity. Many of us won't have that desire. The ability or choice to reproduce does not define our worth, our success, or our role as women.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.


Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments