At family functions, I always get asked at some point, "Are you and your boyfriend going to get married down the line?" Granted, my boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, so you could say that we're pretty committed.
But that doesn't mean he's who I'll marry.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and would like to spend the rest of my life with him, but I get stressed out when people ask me if he's who I'm going to marry. I don't really think that far.
I try to live in the moment in my relationship. I want to go with the flow and not get caught up in the future. I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them come crashing down around me. Plus it can be stressful to think about marriage when you don't even know what you want to do as a career.
Whenever my family asks me about marrying my boyfriend, I usually say yes. I feel like that's the answer they want to hear, but it doesn't feel genuine when I say it. Just because the response isn't genuine, doesn't mean that I wouldn't want marriage with my boyfriend to happen. I'd love that actually. But it's not a reality at this point in time, so I don't want to act like it is.
My boyfriend and I are both 20 years old. There are people our age who get married, but it doesn't happen often. When I was a kid, I imagined getting married in my late 20s to early 30s. Then having kids when I became financially stable. My dream was to be able to spend enough time with my significant other that I knew them well enough to make the big commitment of marriage.
I understand the the question of marriage could come from a caring place in my family's heart. I can see it as them showing that they support my boyfriend and I's relationship. But they could also show support by just checking in to see how things are going. After all, when did marriage become so important?
In a way, I feel like the question of marriage when pointed at a girl is sexist. I get asked this question at almost every family gathering, while my boyfriend is asked it a lot less. It's as if I'm being told subconsciously that my time is running out to settle down and start a family. That is something I'll do on my own watch, thank you very much.
I remember the first time that I was asked if my boyfriend and I were planning on getting married. A family friend was asking about my relationship and I was talking about how long we had been together, what we plan to do with our lives, etc. She then asked if he's the one I plan to marry. I was caught off guard at first, because my boyfriend and I had been dating for a little over a year at this point.
While a year can be a long time in a relationship, I feel like you're still getting to know the person and there's still so much that you don't know about them. Plus this was my first real relationship, so I was still trying to figure out what did and didn't work in the relationship. I still do that today.
After I have settled into my adult life, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of marriage. Marriage has been a life goal of mine since a young age, but I know that I should take the opportunity when the timing is right and not when I feel pressured into it. Marriage is a huge commitment and not something to be stressed out about. Plus, why does everyone around me care so much anyways?
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