I've wanted to see Stonehenge my whole life. It's been an obsessions since I was in computer class in first grade and saw it was the screensaver for one of the colored IMacs at St. Brendan's Catholic School. I pointed at the screen and asked Sr. Maya, "WHAT IS THAT!?" She hit my finger away from the computer and barked, "Stay on task Mr. Sullivan!" And so began the mystery of Stonehenge. It wasn't until high school that I watched every documentary and history channel special (yea, I consider those to be very different) ever made about this bizarre circle of rocks.

Personally, one of the reasons I've wanted to go is because I'm a huge heavy-metal head. If you have to ask what hard rock has to do with Stonehenge, then maybe you should take two steps back and hit yourself in the head with a rock. Isn't it obvious? Stonehenge is practically where metal was born. Some scientists say that human sacrifice happened in front of Stonehenge back in 1,000 BC by the Druids. What is more metal than that? Druids also pretty much started the heavy metal look. Dark long hair? Big capes? Screaming inaudible words while you sacrifice a goat? You think Sabbath started all that? No way dudes, that was the Druid way. Maybe that's why Spinal Tap was so inspired by this wonder that they wrote a song in their movie called…. "STONEHENGE!"

While we're on the subject of Druids, I should have you know that they aren't fair game to joke around about. In fact, there are still Druids walking around Stonehenge today! I wouldn't have believed it either if I didn't meet this wonderful lady at the Stonehenge museum dressed in a long brown dress with a staff adorned with a wooden goat head at the top of it. I wish the religious people in America were as nice as this lady. I started the conversation by rudely asking if she felt "out of place?" She laughed and asked, "Who's more out of place at Stonehenge, the American with Nikes, or the Druid?” Well played Druid lady… Well played. You have to hand it to her. She didn't need to sacrifice a lamb to spit fire. She didn't even try and convert me until the end of the conversation. Actually, now that I think of it, I think that's why the conversation ended.

But there I was, looking at a big circle of stones that I can only imagine archaeologists, who are unfortunately nothing like Indiana Jones, must argue about for hours on end. Luckily, our tour guide gave us the archaeological consensus that Stonehenge is a ceremonial calendar. That's right, before the Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar, there was Stonehenge. Apparently, the sun will shine into the rocks every year during the summer solstice, creating a shadowed pattern the same time every year that must have been like something from "The Mummy." Luckily for ancient Britons, Brendan Frasier wasn’t alive yet, and they could spend their summer solstice celebrating in a ritual-like ceremony around Stonehenge.

Or at least that's what the tour guide told us. I cross-checked it on Wikipedia though, and it passes. Stonehenge was an ancient party ground where the rocks literally told these people when to party. I thought the whole point of history was to learn from it! Why can't we have some places that we designate to just be the site of some ridiculous gatherings for those who want to party to a historic proportion? We need our own Stonehenge 2000 where they’ll find my fossils doing the robot eons from now. This new circle could tell us when it's time to party, and when it is time to get the hell out. Stonehenge time. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Maybe they’ll look back on us 5,000 years from now and think, “Damn, this civilization had some freaks.”

Maybe you read this and thought to yourself, “Hey, what a perfect weird experience for a not-so perfectly weird guy.” Well, I need to clarify that this wasn't just a pilgrimage for the weird. Stonehenge is seriously one of the most fascinating things on this earth! Every year it has 800,000 visitors that come from all over the world to see these massive rocks. The proceeds are not only used to fund the preservation of the stones, but it also pays for the preservation of other historic landmarks in Britain that aren't visited enough because, well, we don't give a damn about them. They can't all be as cool as Stonehenge though! There's truly nothing more stoic and historically fascinating than this belt of massive rocks. So get your ass to Wiltshire, England, before these things fall apart! If you don't go, you’ll regret it more than I regret not titling this article, “CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?”