While we're all nursing our pumpkin spice lattes, watching Hocus Pocus, and carving our pumpkins, something scarier than the idea of Bette Midler stealing your soul is happening: the stink bugs are returning.
The other day after returning from lunch Uptown, I entered my room to find not one, but six stink bugs. The shield-shaped devils were everywhere. On my ceiling. My Terrible Towel. My blinds. Two of them were even pretending to be acrobats as they crawled along my extremely cute Christmas lights above my bed.
First I tried to be brave. Taking notes from my housemate who catches bugs on the daily for her Entomology class, I ran downstairs and grabbed a red solo cup and a plastic bag. Unfortunately, the idea of actually feeling the little critter through the bag was too repulsive for me to handle. So I opted for the cup.
After climbing up on my desk chair and mustering up the courage to place the cup over the bug, I was SOL when I remembered that stink bugs can freaking FLY. Not only do they crawl to the highest places that even a non-vertically challenged person can't reach, they spread their evil wings when you think you've caught them.
Soon after the cup fiasco, I had stink bugs zipping around my room like tiny little airplanes of doom. Terrified, I called out for help, but my roommates were either napping or out-of-town. Frantic, I called my best guy friend for help, but he was already a victim of beat the clock.
Naturally, my next move was to call my mom, and yes I was secretly hoping that she would drive six hours to relieve me of my stink bug nightmare. While on the phone with my mom, one of the acrobats fell from the Christmas lights fell onto my bed and triggered a meltdown of tears, expletives, and muffled sobs.
Realizing that my attempts to get my mom to rescue me where futile, I decided my best option was to vacate the premises. So I dried my tears, packed up my backpack, and headed to Kofenya. When I returned that night, the stink bugs had disappeared.
Now I spend my nights worrying that those stink bugs are lurking in the shadows, recruiting more friends, and plotting their next attack.
Don't let this happen to you! Protect yourself from stink bug nightmares by doing the following:
1) Contrary to my beliefs, the bugs can't actually crawl through your walls. They need a legitimate entrance into your home. So keep them out by making sure that your windows and doors are properly sealed! If they aren't, call your landlord/housing and have them seal them as soon as possible.
2) Promptly remove the little nasties when they first show up. If you catch them quick enough, you can get rid of them before they start to release a chemical that invites their little buddies to your house party.
3) A great way to dispose of them is the "Squish and Flush" method. Grab some toilet paper, squish it, and flush your problems away.
As the Stink Bug War of 2014 begins, I wish you the best of luck. Happy squishing and may the odds be ever in your favor.
