It is no secret that life is full of tough lessons. Each day brings new challenges, people and situations that inevitably alter our view of the world and people around us. Some change our perception for the better, however, many result in questioning the people we call friends, and often, humanity as a whole.
One of the most biting lessons learned involves giving trust and receiving betrayal. In every relationship, at every stage of life, we build a bond with another person based on a mutual respect, admiration, and care. Throughout that relationship, we invest our time, energy, love, and self. Unfortunately, not every relationship lasts or grows to the heights we once hoped for. Not everyone is always who they appear to be. Not everyone is honest and loyal. Not everyone considers the feelings of and the effects on the person on the other side of the relationship. When betrayal happens, we find ourselves hurt, jaded, and trying to repair the bond we once found so easy to uphold.
Simply said, betrayal stings. It comes in many forms and begins when we are very young. It happens on the playground in elementary school the first time one of your many best friends tells you, “You aren’t my friend anymore.” In middle school, gossip emerges and secrets revealed to the closest of friends who “promised" never to tell become the talk of the school and a source of painful embarrassment. This continues into high school as so-called friends show their true colors by stealing friends and boyfriends seemingly with no regret.
The competitive society in which we’ve grown up tends to leave us thrown under the bus by someone who knows all the right information to betray us most perfectly. And then there is always the broken heart that comes from a first break-up, often accompanied by lies and always accompanied by pain and disbelief.
You see, betrayal can be something as simple as a single misstep or bad choice such as accidentally revealing a hidden crush. It can also be deliberate treachery intended to hurt and deceive. It is this kind of purposeful trickery that leads us to question our judgment of not only that offender, but of all people that we allow into our circle of trust.
Regardless of who is betraying or how strong their abandonment of a seemingly once-solid relationship is, the pain is the same. What used to be a safe haven of comfort becomes the worst form of backstabbing, causing you to wonder how you ever let such a deceitful person so close into your life. Because no two people are the same, betrayal becomes one of the hardest life lessons to actually learn from. We want to believe that the next friend or significant other will be different, but sadly this wicked beguilement plagues many people throughout life.
As I enter young adulthood, I hope that betrayal comes less often, but am not so naive to believe it ceases altogether. So, do we live our lives not trusting, building walls and keeping people at arm’s length? As someone who considers herself a people person, that doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun. There are safeguards one can put in place so as to not be perpetually disappointed and losing all hope in mankind.
Surround yourself with quality people who share in your views and expectations of relationships.
Ease into those relationships. This is something that I have to work on because of that whole people person quality. There’s no reason to rush a friendship—if it’s meant to be, it will happen naturally and with ease.
Be cautious with your words. We should really all be doing this every moment of every day anyway. What we speak becomes who we are, and what we share with unproven friends can cause great turmoil for us and for others.
The concept of nice folks finishing last isn’t true, even though it seems that way a lot of the time. It's important to not give up the part of us that is good, that is kind, that is forgiving. Those are the parts that help us heal and continue to build strong, lasting, meaningful relationships.
My mom always told me you can count your true friends on one hand, and although I don’t always like to admit it, she was right, again. As for those who will never make the final friend cut, our only option in preventing ourselves from being hardened is simple. We cannot stoop to their level, because we become no better than they are. We cannot respond with anger or hate, because that affects our own personal peace. We can be careful with our hearts and with others’ and remind ourselves that we are not defined by the actions of others.
In no way do I believe that I'll never be deceived again, but I know two things for sure: I won't be finishing last. I know I will have my handful of true friends surrounding me.
