Why are so many people afraid to be alone?
I think it's because sometimes we confuse the words "alone" and "lonely". They're similar, not synonymous.
It's possible to be alone or do things alone and still not feel lonely. If you love the library, for example, and decide to spend an afternoon alone exploring the stacks, you won't feel lonely. You'll probably feel right at home, maybe even a little lost in your own world, in a temporary bliss.
It's also possible to feel lonely when you're surrounded by people. Maybe you've gone through some rough times in your life. That's just a part of the complexity of our emotions; our emotions make us human.
There's a lot of romanticization about love. Get it? That's why they call it "romantic love". Most of us have realized that love is not like what we see in the movies. Disney and the rest of Hollywood have planted a fake image of love in our heads since we were children.
Please, I wish that life happened as if we lived in "You've Got Mail".
It's 2018 and we may be using dating sites like Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and Hinge, but anyone who has spent more than five minutes on one of those apps will tell you that love is more than just a click away.
Even those of us with the best intentions need to weed through all of the trolls, fakes, creeps, and ghosts before we find someone who we'd actually like to grab coffee with.
And sometimes it just doesn't work out. Maybe you let your fear of rejection take over and you decide to cancel that first date.
Deep down, I think that's what everyone is afraid of. Rejection.
If you're rejected, it means that, in some way, you weren't enough for someone else. This can just aggravate your insecurities, the "problem features" that you have that you don't want anyone else to notice.
When you're rejected and you are hyper-aware of your insecurities, you automatically think that your insecurities are the reason that you were rejected.
Our society is conditioned to believe that you're best fit to survive if you are surrounded by other people. This goes back to when our ancient ancestors lived in tribes to forage and hunt together.
Except now this concept of aloneness has evolved into something more social-emotional. If you are eating a meal alone, there's something wrong with you.
Why isn't anyone joining you? Do you smell bad? Are you a serial killer?
Probably not.
But by evolution, we're conditioned to look at someone funny if they're alone.
However, doing things solo is becoming more and more mainstream. If you walk into a coffee shop, chances are there are quite a few people sitting alone reading or doing work on laptops. Other people travel for business and take a lot of meals alone.
There's a negative stigma attached to being alone, going solo, or staying single. But it's clearly not as bad as it seems.
Next time you spend some time alone, remember that it's healthy and that there's nothing wrong with you.
Embrace your time alone!
