Your gowns have been ordered, your pictures have been taken, tears have been shed, and your future is obscure. Graduation day is around the corner, and all good things must come to an end. What better way to celebrate the end of an era than awarding those who have accompanied you on this journey? And the Academy Award goes to....
Most Likely to Rally. This one goes out to the "Party Girl". The party girl is a night owl who thrives on Tequila, and can drink any frat guy under the table. She will never miss out on a day-drink, and you're not exactly sure what she is like sober.
Most Likely to Never Change. Your friendly neighborhood slacker takes the cake on this one. The slacker intrigues everyone because they never go to class, they rarely leave their couch, yet somehow they are still here. They have no reason to change because they put in minimal effort, while still skating by in life.
Teacher's Pet. The winner of this superlative goes to the overachiever, overeager, overqualified, know-it-all college student. They have their s*** together in the most annoying way possible, and you lay awake at night beating yourself up over how they do it.
Most Likely to Be On Reality T.V. And the winner is...the social climber! This person only befriends people who can benefit them, and help them get further in life. Like reality TV stars, they're willing to do whatever is possible to be successful or famous.
Most Likely to Go Pro. You'll never guess who the winner of this one is...Ding, ding, ding, surprise: it's the gym rat. This person LIVES at the gym, and I mean lives there. No matter what time of day you go, this person is there. The funny thing is: you don't actually ever see this person working out, but just walking around observing the gym, all territorial-like.
Loudest/Quietest. We have a tie for this superlative. It goes to the people that are silent while sober, and chatterboxes by night. It also goes to those people who will talk your ear off until they pound a few back and lose all ability to talk/communicate. The winner of this is the split personality drunk, and you never know what to expect.
Most Outspoken. To the feminist who is never afraid to speak her mind, this one is for you. The hardcore feminist is not shy when it comes to expressing her opinions...about anything. Fighting for women's rights is her passion and everyone knows it. They put their two cents into everything, whether you want to hear it or not.
Biggest Gossip. No surprise here...it's the Drama Queen. Whenever you see her (or him), you're prepared to have your ear talked off about who's doing what, when, where, why, and how. They never really left high school, and they thrive off of learning new information that they can spread to the remainder of the world.
Most Affectionate. This one goes out to that one person who's maybe a little too...friendly. They're "friendly" with, well, pretty much everyone. Every time you see them out, they are hanging on a new person and you have a hard time keeping up. They just have a lot of love to give and give and give....
Most Likely to Crash on Your Couch. I'm not really sure if you can give a senior superlative to someone who has already graduated, but hey, this alum is here more than you are. They loved college so much that they basically refused to leave. So congratulations...I guess?
Most Likely to Go Bald. This is one of my favorites. Burnett's and Natty Light are still his go to beverages, and even his Fraternity brothers are wondering when he's going to grow up. Those extra years of being extra creepy are going to catch up to you, when you're forty and picking out toupees. Karma gentlemen, karma.
Most Oblivious. Unfortunately we all know that one guy or girl that just can't take a hint. No matter how many cues you drop about not wanting to hang out or hook up, they are persistent. If it's not someone trying too hard, it's that group member who won't pick up the slack. This person just does not get it.
Best Couple. They met on their freshmen floor and have been attached at the hip ever since. They're perfect, cute, meant to be, yada yada yada. All I know is: there better be an open bar at this wedding, capish?
Mr./Mrs. Congeniality. This superlative goes to those people that are just downright awesome. Everyone knows them, and doesn't have a bad word to say about it. For lack a better term, they're popular.
