Each year on Mother’s Day weekend, my stepmother and I travel down to florida. We spend the three days toasting to a girls weekend, swimming in the Gulf, and eating chocolate covered strawberries from a hole in the wall candy store on John’s Pass. Yes the trip is so much fun and every year it is the only thing to get me through finals. However the trip is much, much more than fun or good food or sunshine…
Ever since I was 12 Mother’s Day has sucked. Each year the holiday becomes harder and harder. On Father's Day there is a whole community online who shares memes and laughs and makes light about not having their father in life. Or people who post about their mothers saying they played both roles for them and how strong they were. On Mother’s day this is not the case. I don't even get on social media on Mother's Day. It's crowded with so much love, actually all love. Deadbeat parents don't stop at dads though. I wonder if the community of children without mothers is truly so small or if it's one of those things our society can't handle to talk about.
What does Mother's Day mean to me?
It means absolutely nothing. Sure, she didn't kill me in the short part of my life she did chose to be in. But does that make her a mother? H*ll no. You could say, “You know it’s been ten years, maybe it’s time to let go.” It probably is time to let go but let’s be honest it’s not that easy. Daddy issues tend to last a lifetime well guess what so do mommy issues. Even in another ten years or less (hopefully less I’d rather not wait until my thirties to have children but life happens) Mother’s day will still suck. I’m obviously still learning to not let the pain boil up in hatred and pissed-off-ness. Truly I agree with letting go to an extent. I don’t want to spend my whole life with bitter feelings about the holiday or the woman who chose to ruin the holiday for me (yes, right now I am still young and bitter). I can be young and bitter. I think for me personally I need to spend time being angry. The anger helps me move forward and on with my life. But eventually when I start my own family and begin to grow up I don’t want to be bitter.
This is where the florida trip comes into play.
My stepmom has witnessed the brunt of the angriest, saddest years resolving around this holiday. A couple years ago she found an old friend from high school who lived in Florida. Between wanting to see her friend and wanting to put an end to my miserable, incessantly sad mother’s day weekends she planned a weekend trip to the sunshine state. The vacation served as a reminder of the bond I have with my stepmom and the good that has come from my biological mother choosing not to be in my life. The trip to florida helps me be less bitter. I have distractions of the beautiful weather, Publix chocolate chip cookies, and sand between my toes (in both a good and infuriating can’t get rid of the sand kind of way). My stepmom is my best friend. She has done more for me than I ever could have asked a stranger to do. The vacation started to help an eighteen year old avoid her problems. Now though the vacation celebrates the sacrifices my stepmom made for me and the friendship the two of us have.
What does Stepmother's day mean to me?
Everything. I don’t need my stepmom’s DNA to be her daughter. I think the proof of her handwriting I have tattooed on my back is enough. I don’t need the mother who gave birth to me to have a happy Mother’s Day weekend either. All I need is the woman who chose to be my mother and remakes that choice every day.
